Monthly Archives: April 2018

 

Chapter10

Into the Valley

August, 1862

I had calculated that it would take me 24 hours of walking to reach Winchester, which of course did not allow for rest, which I resolved to do as little as possible. I had grown accustomed to doing without sleep on marches. Some soldiers could sleep while marching, but I was never able to. I supposed that I would see my Laurel in about a day, something I longed for mightily, and which thought served to quicken my steps.

I knew I would have to cross the Potomac, and watched for the first opportunity to do so. I came across a ferry about four that afternoon, and saw that some other soldiers stood waiting to cross. “Hello!” I cried. “What is the name of this place?”

A sergeant saluted. “It’s Conrad’s Ferry, sir. And where are you bound?”

“To Winchester, to rejoin my regiment. I was called on to deliver a horse to the War Department.”

The sergeant looked at me hard, thinking that I was of too high a rank for such a menial chore.

“That must have been a special horse or a special rider to warrant the use of an officer to do such a deed.”

“Yes, there was something special about this mission, but as to its particulars, I may not share them with you.”

“Ah, it is a matter of some secrecy then.”

“Indeed.”

He peered at me. “What is wrong with your face?”

“Whilst in the city, I contracted some contagion. I fear it is catching, so please do not come any closer.”

The sergeant shrank back, evidently thinking that he had come close enough to catch what I had, and indeed, if he had gotten close enough, he could have had a fine case of poison ivy.

“You need not worry about my coming near. I have enough ills without adding another one. The ferry had pulled in while we spoke, and we went on board, the sergeant apparently telling the other soldiers of my affliction, so that they remained at one end of the ferry and I the other during our short ride across the river.

“I wish you well,” he called. “The hospital tent is behind the headquarters tent.”

“I thank you for that,” I told him. “Although I am familiar with it, that being my regiment.”

The group of soldiers set a fast pace, likely to stay away from me, and they soon disappeared behind a bend in the road. This case of poison ivy is in one wise a fortunate thing, I thought. I only wish that it did not itch so badly.

I figured I had five more hours until I reached Winchester and the camp, and so would arrive there before dusk. But it was not my intent to go near the camp, but continue on to the cabin where I might see my darling wife and precious son. My heart fairly burst at the mere thought of them, and I wiped away a tear, so deep was my affection for them. My plan was to take them down the valley to an out of the way place where we might spend the rest of this, however long it might be waged. In trust, my experiences so far led me to hate war, division, violence and suffer so that I would not have any further part of it on one side or the other. I suppose you might say I was deserting from both sides.

These thoughts led me to recall the uniform I was in and the necessity to somehow procure if not a Confederate uniform, then the attire of a civilian. I judged that to be the more likely case, and, as I passed by what I judged to be Winchester, set myself to looking for laundry hung to dry in about my size which I would take, but unlike the last time, I had money and would leave something to pay for my new outfit.

About two o’clock in the afternoon, I saw such attire hanging on a line outside a small isolated cabin. I hid behind a log and watched carefully for any sign of occupation. After half an hour, I judged that there was none, and made my way to the clothes hanging in the sun, helping myself to a shirt and pants. I would use my uniform hat until I saw someone coming, and hope as well that someone else might have left his hat so that I might have it. If I could find no hat, I of course would continue. The sun was lowering, and I was in the shade much of the time. I would be at our cabin by sunset.

I quickened my step at this thought. Soon my chiefest dream would come true, and I would be with my little family again.

 

 

 

Chapter 9

Over and Away

August, 1862

It was not until later that I realized that the month had changed as I lay awake in my bed, one day passing into another. I heard the last sound from somewhere in the house, and then all was quiet. I lay still a while long, and then arose to finish my preparations for my escape. I did not take much, and so was ready within a short span of time.

I carefully raised the window, took one more look around at my place of confinement, and then placed one leg outside the window so that my foot rested on a convenient gutter. I prayed that it would hold my weight, but I had lost so much during my illness and period of inactivity from not eating very much that it held firm. I held onto the window sill and then eased my way over to the drainpipe which I knew from looking at it from the ground to be substantial. I clambered down the side of the house holding on to the pipe until at last I gained the ground.

Dressed in my lieutenant’s uniform, I was but one of several soldiers I encountered along my way to the canal that ran past Georgetown. My plan was to walk along the tow path until I came to a place that I could safely cross the river, make my way to Winchester and finally arrive at home. I knew Eleanor would discover my absence when she arose in a few hours, and I prayed that I would arrive in Winchester before she could send word there that I was missing. I did not know how she communicated with her agent in that town. I surmised she had one, else how could she have known of my presence there before?

As I came to the tow path, I remembered I did not of course have any papers or orders with me. I suppose I could have claimed that they were lost, but that might arouse suspicion and further investigation, so I determined to hide myself whenever I heard someone coming, knowing that this would slow my progress, but I determined it to be a necessary action.

I walked along, guided by the sound of the water to my left since I could see but very little with no moon to light my way. I had heard that most boatmen tied up around midnight and then started up again by three or four AM. That would give me some time to put some distance between me and my tormentor.

I could make out the new moon, so I could judge time, and it was about four when I first heard someone coming toward me. I made my way into the bushes lining the towpath, praying that there would not be a drop off or other declivity close by which would bring me to ruin. I stayed hidden until I judged it safe to regain the path.

I set off again, but encountered no one until the sun began to rise. I hid myself as I heard several canal men coming and stayed hidden until they had passed. I then resumed my way, thinking I would stop soon to eat the hardtack I had brought with me. I searched for a small creek to soak the hardtack in, for it is very hard when unmoistened, found one, wet my hardtack, and chewed on it as I walked along.

Eleanor would be rising soon, and with that thought, I hastened my steps. I must reach Laurel before Eleanor was able to have someone harm my bride. I found that thinking of Laurel buoyed my spirits, and I was in a fine mood as I walked along through what promised to be a fine day.

I had to hide myself again, and while crouching in the bushes, I felt an itching in my hands and on my face. I knew what had happened because I had been stricken with this condition before. I had acquired poison ivy when I hid in the bushes earlier. I wet my bandana and ran it over my face and hands, but it did little to alleviate my torment.

As I went back to the path, I tried to take my mind from the infernal itching by seeing if I could identify the birds that sang in the woods all around me. I found I could do so correctly about nine times out of ten, which I counted a fair effort. Then I had a thought: when I encountered anyone, I would tell them my rash was evidence of a contagious disease, which indeed it was, but not the contagion that they thought. This stratagem would allow me to make a faster progress, so I lengthened my stride and soon found myself at the house of a lock keeper where the Potomac tumbled over some great rocks. It was something to behold, so I stayed for a moment to appreciate the power and beauty of this display of God and nature. I roused myself from my reverie and approached the stone house.

A small child about four years old was sitting on a stone in from of the house. I kept my distance as part of my ruse, although I would not in any case come close enough to the child to infect her. “Where are your parents?” I called.

She looked at me and made no answer, so I repeated my question, this time in a louder voice. Again she said nothing.

I was pondering this state of affairs when a woman, presumably her mother, came out of the house. “She’s deaf,” she said. “She can’t hear you.”

“I’m sorry. I did not know.”

“You couldn’t have known. How can I help you?” Apparently they were accustomed to visitors.

“I wonder if you would favor me with some food. I have money.”

“I will give you some food. It happens that my brother supplies to the army, and he gives us from that.”

“I am much obliged. I have a contagion, so if you would leave a plate outside and go back in, I will come over and get it.”

“Thank you for being careful of our well-being.”

“It is the least I can do.”

“Where are you bound?”

“To rejoin my regiment near Winchester.”

“Would not the roads be easier? You could find a ride with the many wagons that use them.”

“They would, but I prefer the tranquility and beauty of the tow path. I have seen so many hideous, I need to calm my soul.”

“I understand. I will pray for you.”

“I thank you. Now I must be on my way. God bless you.”

“And He you. Good-bye, soldier.”

“Good-bye, kind lady.”

I was fortunate to encounter such a kind and Christian soul. She left the plate outside as I asked her, and I soon was filling my stomach with biscuits and fatback. She also left a container of water, which would be helpful to me, for the day was growing warm already.

I finished the food and left the plate for her. I surmised that she wanted me to take the container, so I put that in my pack and went on my way. I still had miles to go, and I knew not what I would encounter. And so, I had made a good start toward seeing Laurel again.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 8

Hidden in Plain Sight

July, 1862

And so began my career as an assistant to one of the most implacable enemies of a group I was sworn to defend and also a continuation of my term as a spy and my status of being in the awkward position of sharing a house with a woman who was not my wife, and a woman who had designs on my fidelity. All combined to wear on me, so it was no surprise that I fell ill. A doctor was called, but he could not determine the cause of my affliction, and so recommended that I be sent to a hospital that had been set up in Water’s Warehouse in Georgetown. I think Eleanor arranged for this location so she could come torment me more easily, but although I felt unwell, I welcomed the opportunity to be away totally from my job and, for the most part, from Eleanor. She was able to come not as often as she would have liked, which was far too much for me.

The doctors came by each day and poked and prodded me, trying to discern the nature of my ailment, to no avail. After two weeks of this, they left me alone, requiring of the nurses that they be told should my symptoms worsen. But they were neither better or worse, and so I lingered in a twilight state which in truth I found I could bear easily. My illness did not affect me badly, and the food was much better than I would have gotten in the field, and I did not have to eat with Eleanor except on those rare occasions when she visited me during a meal time. Even then, I could not talk with my mouth filled with food, so these times were tolerable rather than being difficult had I been forced to eat with her in Georgetown.

Matters changed late in July. My chief doctor came to see me. “We cannot, as you know, determine either the cause of or the treatment for your illness, and as it does not seem to distress you greatly, we are sending you back how where perhaps the familiar surroundings will speed your healing.”

That meant, of course, that I would go back to Georgetown, so I said to the physician, “In truth, doctor, I have been feeling worse this day and wondered if I could prevail on you to examine to determine if indeed I am worse.”

The doctor agreed and put me through the usual examination. When he concluded, he said, “I can find no change, so I must dismiss you. We need your bed for a seriously ill patient.”

I could not argue with him, so the next morning, Eleanor came in to take me to her home. “I am pleased that you are feeling better,” she told me, smiling with what I took to be honest emotion. I thought that perhaps she had changed, but I, of course, was wrong.

At the mansion, she had the maid convert my bedroom into a sick room, although with the exception of another basin and a selection of nostrums and elixirs, I could see little change. I never did hold with patent medicines, although I had little need of them, this being the first time in my life I had fallen seriously ill.

Eleanor came to visit me a few hours after I had settled in. “Ah! Good, I see you are awake. Did you have a pleasant rest?”

“I regret to say I was troubled by monstrous dreams, which I attribute to my experiences in battle,” neglecting the fact that my experience in battle was limited to ten minutes’ combat and hiding in a safe place. She need not know these particulars.

“Oh, that is too bad. I think a dose of this—” she held up one of the bottles—“will do you a world of good.” She poured some in a spoon and held it to my mouth. I took it in but did not swallow, hoping she did not notice and that she would not require an answer of me.

As fortune would have it, Arthur appeared at the door at that moment. “M’am, there is a matter downstairs requiring your immediate assistance.” Eleanor turned and went out of the room without a word to me, just as I had hoped. Then I had the problem of what to do with the noxious liquid I was holding in my mouth. I couldn’t expel it into one of the basins—she would see that on her return. I looked around for another suitable container but found none, so I next fixed my gaze on the window. That was it—I crept out of bed and inched over to the window, trying to make as little noise as possible. I carefully eased the sash up, and with great relief spewed the contents of my mouth out of the window and down the side of the house. I did not stop to think that the window to the room that Elanor was quite possibly occupying lay on that part of the house. I heard her coming quickly up the stairs and hastened back to my bed, drawing the covers up and closing my eyes as she came through the door.

“Caleb, what have you been doing? I heard such a racket!” Apparently I had made more noise than I thought. “And why is this window open? Do you not know that the outside air is not healthy this time of year?”

She went over and shut the window. I thanked God that she had not seen the ejectum from the upper story making its way down the window panes.

Eleanor turned from the window and regarded me suspiciously. “Or perhaps you intended to go out the window and make your way to the ground, thereby affecting an escape. Was that your intention? Be honest with me or you know what will happen.”

She probably means she would make me share her bed, and that would be punishment enough.

I manufactured as vile a cough as was ever heard and, after I had finished several rounds of hacking, said, “How could I make my way with my condition thus? I would be a fool to try to flee and risk my death from overexertion.”

Her face relaxed. “Why, yes, of course. How foolish of me to think you would want to leave all this, after all I have done for you.”

“Yes, and I am grateful,” I told her, gritting my teeth at the lie I told, but her mention of my escape put me in mind of doing just that. I would have to wait for my opportunity, and I had come to feel that my illness was occasioned by my circumstances, and did not result from any physical cause.

I resumed eating with Eleanor, pretending to be weak and sickly while my strength built up daily. After a week, I felt I was ready and made my preparations. I hid small items of food for sustenance on my journey, for I resolved to walk home, or share a ride if Providence provided one, meet with Laurel, and take her and little Caleb somewhere where not even Eleanor could find us. I did not know where that would be, but I would have many hours to think of some place suitable.

A new moon hung in the heavens the day of my projected escape, and I knew I would have to wait another month if I did not depart on this day. At dinner, Eleanor noticed my silence as I thought of my plans.

“You are a quiet one this evening,” she said.

“I have many things to think about.”

“Such as?”

“The welfare of my wife and son, for the main part.”

“I may assure you they are well and will remain so as long as you do your part here.”

I took what she said as a threat, and realized that she had some means of knowing the state of my little family there near Winchester. “That is welcome news, and a reminder to me to do as well as I might here.” “Doing well” for me meant escaping, although I of course did not tell her that.

I stood. “I am feeling weak. May I be excused early?”

Elanor also stood. “Of course you may. I hope you are not lapsing into your pas t condition as I have observed you gaining strength in the past week.”

She had noticed, then, I thought. I hope that observance did not jeopardize my plans.

I went upstairs and gathered my necessaries and lay on the bed but did not sleep, awaiting the retirement of the other members of the household. The minutes seemed to creep by as I lay in that state, waiting for the proper moment to take the first step on my way to Laurel and Caleb, so far away.

 

Chapter 7

The Presence of My Enemies

June, 1862

The next morning, Eleanor accosted me at breakfast. “You did not join us for dinner last night. I sent Arthur up three times and you did not respond to his knocking. I expected your company and will require it at all meals forthcoming. Do I make myself clear?” She fixed me with an angry glare.

I put down my fork and addressed her calmly. “I was sleeping the sleep of the dead. I have had precious little opportunity to rest, and when I have, the hard ground made it impossible to sleep well. I was insensible to any sound, even a loud knocking.”

“I find that hard to believe. I think you were trying to avoid me.”

I could have done that, I thought, but I didn’t. “You may believe what you wish. I know the truth.”

She stared at me, but said nothing further about the matter, filling the air with accounts of the parties she had been to and the famous people she met at those gatherings. I couldn’t help but contrast her enjoyment of food and company away from any threat of battle with the miserable life of soldiers. She claimed to want to help Southern troops with my mission while at the same time not doing any of the work herself. She was an odd creature, to be sure.

“I have directed Arthur to lay out your new uniform for our visit to the Secretary’s office and to burn your present one. It has an odor to it that will not admit of its use in the presence of such a powerful man.”

That scent was the result of protecting people like you and the Secretary, I thought, but I said nothing.

Breakfast done, I went to my room and donned my new uniform, thinking that it was another lie among many. I never did hold with lying, but strove to be an honest man who always gave an accurate account of all I did or saw or heard. This run of falsehoods had a bad effect on me, so much so that I became physically ill when I thought too much of it.

I came downstairs to find Eleanor dressed in a green gown such as she might wear to one of her parties. “My, but you are handsome in your new clothes. I will be pleased for you to take my arm and escort me to our meeting.” She put her hand in the crook of my elbow. I imagined her touch burned, and tried to put that idea out of mind so I did not react and give her cause for further reproach. We climbed in her carriage and went our way to the War Department.

When we reached the building, I was surprised to find that it stood to the west of the White House. I had never ventured that far or paid attention in that area only to the Executive Mansion, our games being played on the other side of the President’s House. I said to Eleanor, “I did not know this was the location of the War Department.”

“That surprises me. You played your baseball game within sight of it.”

“Yes, but because I did not know it was there, I did not look for it.”

She smiled slightly. “If you are to be of service to me, you must become more observant.”

I did not think that one instance of anything should be proof of a larger inclination, but I said nothing. I knew it would be fruitless to argue with her on this matter, and many others as well.

We went in the front entrance which was guarded by a private on either side of the door. They saluted when they saw my bars, and being new to my “rank,” I did not return their salute. Eleanor caught me by the arm and dug her fingernails through the cloth of my uniform and into my skin. “You must salute when another soldier salutes you,” she hissed. “Again you have made me wonder if I have chosen the correct individual for this mission.”

“I will gladly be relieved of my charge,” I said, looking down at my arm where she had grabbed me and seeing the blood welling from the area. Fortunately, I had a bandana with me and was able to remove all traces of the stain.

She smiled at me in such a way that made my blood run cold. “Oh, no. You are mine, and you will continue to be so. These errors will be corrected by any means necessary.”

“Do mean that you might harm my family?”

She laughed. That is exactly what I mean. And you would do well to never forget that.”

Eleanor took me by the arm again, this time without harming me, and guided me to the office of the Secretary. I was surprised that there was neither sentry nor secretary at his door, which stood open. He stood at a large desk facing us, and smiled when he saw Eleanor.

“Eleanor, my dear, please come in.” He came from behind his desk and kissed her on the cheek. Apparently they knew each other well.

He turned to me. “And you must be Lieutenant Dillard.” I saluted him, which he waved away.

“We don’t stand on ceremony here, Lieutenant. Takes too much time. There’s a war to be won, lad.”

“Yessir.”

He picked up a piece of paper. “According to this, you will be sitting in meetings with me and taking notes.”

“Thank you, sir. I did not know the exact nature of my duties, but I will certainly be equal to the challenge.”

He chuckled. “Your biggest challenge will be staying awake while these gasbag generals and politicians go on and on about very little.” He sighed. “It’s enough to make me want to go somewhere else, but, as I said, we have a war to win. When can you start?”

I looked at Eleanor. She mouthed the word ,“Now.”

I turned back to Stanton. “I can begin right away, sir.”

“Very good. I will have someone give you writing materials. And we meet in–” he consulted a watch he pulled from a pocket on his vest—“fifteen minutes. Right here. Make yourself ready.”

“That sounds very good, sir.”

Stanton came over and kissed Eleanor on the cheek again. “Lovely to see you, my dear. Are you coming to the party this Friday?”

Eleanor smiled. “I am. And I am to have the handsome lieutenant as my escort.”

She had said nothing to me about this social event, but I knew I had little choice but to do everything she wanted. How I hated this state of affairs! I had to find a way out, short of killing her, although I had thought of that a time or two.

“I must be going,” Eleanor said. She turned to me. “I will send the carriage for you at five.” She turned to Stanton. “Is that not when you cease your labors?”

The Secretary smiled. “My labors go long into the evening, but I allow those who help me to leave at five, yes.”

Eleanor embraced me and tried to kiss me on the lips, but I turned my head. I saw her eyes flash, and know she would have berated me had we been alone. Stanton of course saw this happen and raised an eyebrow. I suspected he would ask my what was going on later. It would be but thin excuse to say we were brother and sister, for so she wanted me to represent myself, but no sister I knew of would do such as she did with a brother. I would have to see what Stanton’s thoughts on this matter were.

“Very well,” she said to me. “I will see you at my house, and I hope you will manage a more suitable greeting for your dear sister.” With that, she turned and walked out the door.

Stanton looked at me. “What is the nature of your relationship with Mrs. Perry?”

“We are brother and sister. That is all.”

He frowned. “That was not a sisterly kiss she attempted to favor you with.”

“Yes, sometimes she becomes excited and overcome with the passion of the moment.”

He grunted. “I suppose I shall find out more about you and Mrs. Perry as time goes on.”

I don’t want you to find out too much, I thought. I must tell Eleanor of this exchange and warn her that such displays jeopardize her interests.

I busied myself looking at pictures and samplers on the wall of Stanton’s office while he worked at his desk. That did not take me long, so I shifted from one foot to another until Stanton said, “Would it make you less restless if you sat down?”

“Oh, I’m sorry sir. I didn’t realize I was distracting you.”

He looked at me from under his brows. “I have marvelous powers of concentration, but you would try the hardiest soul with your machinations.”

In truth, my motion was barely perceptible. The Secretary must have a nature that is easily distractible, I thought.

“In answer to your question, my movement would be eased if I were to sit down. I have become accustomed to standing during my service, and once again I beg your pardon if I were a cause of distraction to you.”

He simply grunted at this and went back to his work. I looked around the office as if my head were on a swivel, even though there was little to see. After  a couple of minutes, Stanton snapped shut the report he was reading and glowered at me.

“You are little better seated than standing. Is there anything I can do to calm you?”

“Again, I am sorry. If I had some task to occupy me, that would calm my spirit.” Just then a general and his aides walked in.

“Ah! Here comes my salvation—and yours, lieutenant. I was about to have your sent back to Richmond had the present state of affairs continued.” He turned to greet his visitors. “General Kilpatrick, lieutenants, you are welcome. We shall commence our business shortly. In the meantime, let me introduce to you a new face, Lieutenant Perry, who had been specially attached to this office for the foreseeable future.”

The general and his aides shook my hand, and one of them looked hard at my face. “Were you not with a regiment in the Winchester area?”

“That I was.”

“Then you must know Major Smithfield, my former commanding officer.”

“Of course I do.” I had to be careful how I answered, because I of course had no idea who he was talking about.

“How is the Major?”

“He is well. I shall tell him you asked about him when next we meet.”

“Yes, that would be well.” He looked at me sideways, and I took that to mean that he suspected something. I would have to listen to him carefully and make my replies to his questions as short and general as possible. Although I should think that Eleanor would verify my identity and presence should it come to that.

An aide came into the office and presented Stanton with pen and paper. He gave these to me and pointed to a small field desk. “You will take notes over there, Lieutenant, and I trust that shall occupy you sufficiently to ease your mind so you do not twitch like someone with St. Vitus’ dance.”

General Kilpatrick and his aides assumed puzzled expressions, but Stanton made no word of explanation. He was no doubt a man who felt he did not have to explain himself to anyone, even the President, as I later heard.

The meeting commenced, and, in truth, if Eleanor had intended for me to find out the highest state secrets, she was going to be disappointed. The Kilpatrick and Stanton started a long dialogue about supplies and troop support so dull and so lacking in interest, I found it hard to keep my eyes open. I saw Stanton looking over at me several times, and he no doubt caught me with my eyes closed at several points. Mercifully, the meeting only lasted thirty minutes, else I would have been done for.

The general and his assistants left, and Stanton turned on me. “Would it be helpful to you if we brought in a bed so you could rest in the times you are not taking notes? Mrs. Perry told me you were quick and alert, but I have seen no evidence of either today.”

“I beg your pardon, Mr. Secretary. You must remember I was on the battlefield two days ago after we made a long trip from Winchester, and then I made way here.”

He harrumphed. “I will grant you being in the way of shot and shell, but your journeys were by train. I cannot see that that means of transport should fatigue you so.”

“In that case, I have no excuse, and I remind you that I serve at your pleasure.”

He smirked. “It is more like you serve at Mrs. Perry’s pleasure. I would let you go, but then I would have to face her, which I do not wish to do.”

“I know what you mean.”

He smiled at this. We had the same reaction to the woman.

“Very well. That is all I require of you for today. I expect you tomorrow at 8 AM, and I will brook no tardiness.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll be here promptly and ready to work.”

I was happy to be let go early, but dreaded the coming prospect of being alone in the house with Elanor. She had become more forthright with her demands that I disregard my marriage vows, and I would have to think hard for ways to resist her.

The Secretary provided a horse for me, for which I thanked him profusely. “You’re lucky it isn’t a mule. I expect this animal to be well-treated and brought back tomorrow. After that, you will be left to your own devices for a way to come here.” He turned his back to me, and I left. This had not been a propitious day for me, and I feared it would only get worse. And so I returned to Georgetown full of trepidation.

 

Chapter 6

In the House of the Mighty

June, 1862

I will not reveal to you the details of our trip to Washington, except to say that I refused all of  Eleanor’s advances, which threw her into a fury. She threatened to put me off in Alexandria, saying that I could walk the rest of the way in the rain and that she hoped I caught some contagion and died of it. I had not seen or heard the likes of it, having little experience with vile women. I thanked God mightily for giving me Laurel, and, having done, brought her to mind so strongly I wanted to weep. I gathered myself since Eleanor would take advantage of any kind of weakness.

I think that she allowed me to remain on the train since she needed me for her nefarious schemes, and I would be no good to her if I were dead, although I think a walk in the rain would not be the end of me. And so we arrived at the B & O Railroad Depot in the late afternoon. We waited while the coachman drove the carriage off and we walked toward it. I was pleased to see that the coachman would help her up, and so there would be no possibility of what happened at the beginning of our journey reoccurring, at least not that time. I shuddered to think the she would have other opportunities to lead me astray, and resolved to resist her, regardless of the consequence, including death. I had often thought that I would willingly die for Laurel, and I might have the opportunity do so and count it a blessing.

We got on and Eleanor turned to me. “For the nonce, you will stay with me until your place at the War Department is ready.”

“I will stay with you?”

“That is the best place for you to be so I can know what you are doing.”

“And I am going to be at the War Department?”

“Are you hard of hearing? That is twice you have repeated what I have told you not two seconds before. Yes, you will be at the War Department and you will act as a secretary to Secretary Stanton. That way you will be able to gather the best information about his troops and plans.” She regarded me archly. “Do you wish me to repeat what I have just told you?”

“No, that will not be necessary.”

“That is good. A deaf agent would be of little use to me.”

We moved down Pennsylvania Avenue  to M street, which we turned down and followed to her mansion in Georgetown.

“We have arrived,” she said as we pulled up to the curb.

I could ask you if you thought me blind since I can see where we are with my own eyes, I thought. We got out onto the sidewalk and waited while the coachman removed our belongings from the top of the carriage and carried them to the door. He rang the bell, and the same butler who was there while I was being prepared for my mission came out.  We approached the steps. “Welcome home, m’am.”

“Thank you, Arthur. I trust that all has been well here?”

He nodded. “Everything is in order, as you like it. You received a communication from Secretary Stanton.”

“What sort of communication?”

“I cannot say. It came in the form of a letter and I of course did not open it.”

“Very good, Arthur.  You did well.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Perry. And I see that you have Private Dillard with you?”

“Yes, and he is soon to be Lieutenant Dillard, if Secretary Stanton’s letter contains what I think it does.”

Arthur nodded. “Congratulations, Lieutenant.”

“Thank you, Arthur,” I told him, but thought, I have done nothing to deserve this promotion. This woman has strange ways about her.

Arthur took my few possessions and had the coachman help him with Eleanor’s rather large trunk. I wondered what she had in it, but of course did not ask.

We followed them into the house where the coachman put the trunk down and turned to go.

“One moment, George,” Eleanor said. “I have something for you.” I watched as she gave him a folded hundred dollar bill. I knew she was wealthy, but apparently I didn’t know how wealthy.

George took the bill and bowed low. “Thank you, m’am. You are most generous and kind.”

I smiled at the idea that Eleanor was kind. She turned to me. “And what amuses you, Caleb?”

“I smiled at the size of your fortune.”

“Really? That is an odd thing to smile about. Perhaps with your background you are not accustomed to the ways of the wealthy. If you do as I say, you will be richly rewarded and become wealthy yourself. Would you like that?”

“Honestly, m’am, I do not care for wealth and its effects on people.”

“You are indeed peculiar, but I think being with me will show you what wealth can do, and you will come to appreciate it.”

Not if Hell freezes over, I thought. I did not wish to become as she was.

Although Arthur offered to carry my belongings to me room, I refused his offer and took them up myself. I was pleased to be by myself after so many weeks in the company of others, and I was glad to be away from Eleanor, if only for a few hours. Before I left, she told me that we would go to meet Secretary Stanton to arrange the particulars of my service to him. I went upstairs, laid on the bed, and promptly fell asleep.

 

Chapter 5

Welcome and Unwelcome

June, 1862

We knew the Confederates would counterattack, so we began our preparations to meet them. I was cleaning my rifle when I looked up to see a carriage coming along down the road. It was clearly not an army vehicle, and I wondered what civilian would come here so close to danger.

A sentry stopped the carriage and, after a brief conversation, gestured in my direction. As it drew nearer, I recognized the carriage as Eleanor’s, and wondered what she would want of me. I have been sending her what little information I could gather, so I surmised she was not displeased with me.

The black vehicle stopped not too far from where I stood, and the driver got down and came over to me. “Mrs. Perry requests your presence with her in the cabin of her conveyance.”

Of course, I went over. She probably would have had me shot if I did not comply. I opened the door and climbed in, but could see little because of the dimness of the interior. I knew she was there, though.

She spoke first. “Caleb, you disappoint me.”

“Why? I have sent you reports.”

“Reports with little information and many inaccuracies.”

“I am doing the best I can. A common soldier is not privy to many military secrets.”

“That is why I have come. What would you say to joining the War Department, where you could hear many things?”

I was silent. I had a thousand questions, but I said, “I do not think that is a plan. It is one thing to be around ordinary soldiers and hear what I can: it is another to be part of the highest levels of planning. They will not trust someone such as I or find out who I truly am.”

She laughed. “That will be your mission, to maintain the subterfuge and gather some truly useful information. Gather your belongings. You are coming with me.”

She laughed again. “You are not considering the power I hold because of my wealth. How do you supposed I made the arrangements for you to walk among the councils of the mighty?”

“I’m sure I don’t want to know.”

“I shall tell you anyhow. It was not only by virtue of my wealth that I have made it possible for you to be privy to many secrets. I’m sure you can fill in that blank.”

You are indeed an evil woman, I thought. I cannot begin to fathom how evil you are.

Reluctantly, I gathered my belongings. Joel came over. “Are you going somewhere?” he asked.

“Yes, I am for Washington and the War Department.”

“Who has summoned you?”

“I regret I cannot say.”

He reflected on this momentarily. “Since it is such a great secret, I must surmise that it is President Lincoln who calls you.”

If only it were Lincoln, I thought. “You may surmise as you wish. I may say no more.” I put out my hand. “It was my good fortune to fight with you.”

He looked puzzled. We were nowhere each other on the field of battle since I was in hiding, but he took my hand anyhow. “Take care for your safety.  You are a fine fellow.”

“How might my safety be threatened in the capital? It is strongly fortified, and I have no care for that.”

“There are other threats in that city that have nothing to do with guns and bullets.”

You know much about my situation, I thought, but I can say nothing of it, so I said, “Farewell, my friend. May we meet again soon.”

“That is my wish as well. Good-bye.”

He walked away, and I felt badly that I could not reveal my true identity and purpose. Such deception was hard on me, but I felt I must endure it for the sake of my family. I walked back to the carriage and climbed in.

“Make yourself comfortable. We have a long journey ahead of us.”

I know, I thought. I walked every step of it.

Still exhausted from being in the battle, I soon fell asleep. I was soon awakened by the stopping of the carriage. “What is wrong? Why are we stopping?”

Eleanor smiled her thin smile and said, “Do you really think I want to take a day and a half to return to Washington? We are stopped at Beaverdam Depot where we will take the train. That will take about three hours.”

I looked out and saw a locomotive with a coach and box car attached. “We will ride in my private coach, of course, while the carriage, horse and coachman will pass the journey in the box car.”

“You must have some influence to use the railroad during war time.”

She smiled again. “You have no inkling of the extent of my ability to accomplish what I wish to.”

I’m not sure I want to know what else you’re capable of, I thought.

“It is time for us to board the train. I am anxious to be back in Washington.”

I climbed down from the carriage first, and started to make my way to the coach. Eleanor put her head out. “Is it not customary for a gentleman to assist a lady from her carriage?”

I turned back. I would have done it right away were there a lady in the carriage, I thought, but it does not hold a lady. I helped her down, and noted how tightly she held my hand. She went to embrace me, but I stiffened. She drew back.

“Do you not wish for me to embrace you, after all I have done for you? You would probably be dead by now were it not for me.”

I reluctantly gave her a stiff embrace, and as we pulled apart, she kissed me passionately. I tore myself away. “I may not do such things! I am a married man!”

“But your wife is far away.”

“That makes no difference.”

“We will have more time in the coach to disport ourselves.”

“I will do no such thing. Leave me here.”

Her face was a mask of fury. “If you stay, I will see that you are put on the lines where there is greatest danger. Surely you would not survive that. So, it is your choice: go with me and live, or stay here and die.”

I considered hard, and finally decided to go with her, since I wished to see Laurel and little Caleb again. “Very well, I will go, but I will do nothing to compromise my principles.”

She smiled archly. “We shall see about that.”

With that, we go onto the coach. The engineer put the train into motion, and we were off.

 

 

 

 

 Chapter 3

The Seven Days

June, 1862

Following his defeat at Winchester, General Banks was sent to New Orleans to replace General Butler, and General McClellan assumed command of troops in Virginia. He determined we would take Richmond and make a quick end to the war, which had already gone on too long to my way of thinking.

Eleanor had written me, also in code, that she was pleased with the information I had been sending her. I found myself wondering if the Union defeat at Winchester was made possible, at least in some way, by what I had been sending to her. I was helping my side, but I still felt it wrong. There is something dishonest and disreputable about spying, and I strove to be an honest man of good report. The whole business was tearing at me.

I thought often of Adolphus, and wondered where he was and if he were well. I could not write to him, so I had no way of finding out what his situation was. I would have to depend on chance encounters such as the one we had had in the past month.

On this campaign, I had taken up with a fellow named Jenkins, who could not read or write, poor fellow, He was from some isolated place in Kentucky where there were no schools. Some might have called my community primitive, but Jenkins showed me that there were worse places.

Before we went to bed one night, he came over to me. “Would you do something for me?” he asked.

“Of course, Jenkins. What is it?”

“I want you to write one of them letters you write for the other fellows.”

“What kind of letter would that be? I have been called on to write various sorts. Would it be one to your wife?”

He ducked his head. “No sir, I ain’t married. It would be a letter to my Mam and Pap that they could read in case I am killed.”

Then I knew what he was talking about. It was the same kind of letter I asked Austin about when I caught him writing one before the disaster at Winchester.

“I should be mighty glad to write such a letter for you. I’ll get my writing material and then you tell me what to say.” I went to my tent and came back with paper and pencil and a little board I used as a desk. It didn’t take up much room in my pack, and made writing so much easier. I sat down next to Jenkins on the log we were using for a seat and said, “All right. I am prepared.”

“How do I start out?”

It occurred to me that he had never written a letter before since he did not know how to proceed. And he could not read one to gain that knowledge, either.

I placed the paper on my board. “It is customary to begin, ‘Dear So-and-So.’”

“I don’t know anyone by that name. I want to write to my Mam and Pap.”

I tried not to laugh, since I knew it would make Jenkins feel bad. “I apologize. ‘So-and-So’ is used as a marker, something that may be changed at will.”

“‘So-and-So’ is not a real person?”

I shook my head. “Not that I know of. Anyhow, you would start your letter, ‘Dear Mam and Pap.’”

“All right. Put that down.”

I did so, and sat there waiting. He made no move to speak.

Finally I said, “What do you wish me to put down next?”

“What is customary?”

“Tell them how you are and how much you love them so they’ll now if something happens to you, which we will pray will not.”

He screwed up his face as if he were thinking hard and then said, “OK, write this: ‘I am doing good. Our food is not bad, and there are fellows to help me with things, such as Caleb here who is writing this letter for me. We do a lot of marching and sleep on the ground in tents. I expect to go into battle soon, and if I should meet my Maker, I want you to know how thankful I am for all you did for me and that I love you both.’”

He looked at me. “Is that good?”

“That is very good, Jenkins.” I didn’t tell him that I changed some of the words to make it sound better, just as Adolphus did when he wrote to Laurel for me. “Is there anything else you want to tell them?”

“Nothing I can think of.”

“Fine. What is your parents’ address?”

“Their what?”

“The place they live.”

“They live in a cabin in the woods.”

I knew he could not tell me anything further, but I also knew I could get that information from the private who distributed the mail so I left him alone. I think that private was the most popular man in the unit.

I wrote that letter and some others for Jenkins, remembering when I could not read or write and was helped, chiefly by Adolphus, although there were others.

 

The next day, we had a new man sent to us as part of a prisoner exchange to help with the general effort. Joel had been in Belle Isle prison in Richmond, which, you may recall was where I spent a brief time. Brief was more than enough for me or anyone else. I talked to him when he first joined us.

“Joel, are baseball games were being played between the guards and prisoners as they were during my time there?”

He shook his head. “No, it is hard to think of playing a game when all involved have seen so much death and suffering. And the food we were given was meager and of poor quality.”

“I see. It sounds like things have become much worse since I left there.”

“You cannot imagine the conditions there now.”

“Well, I am pleased that you are no longer there. My days at Capital Prison were easy by comparison, although we were not, of course, at our liberty.”

We loaded onto a train and were taken close to a place called Oak Grove where McClellan determined we would encounter the Federals. We arrived when it was dark, so we set up camp without benefit of any fires since that would reveal our position to the other side. There was much grumbling about having to eat hardtack with only water to soften it. Troops on both sides depended on coffee for a number of reasons, but there was none to be had that evening.

We set up our tents and fixed our sleeping arrangements. We knew the attack would come in the morning, but I for one did not sleep much, and from the rustling and mumbled conversations all around me, I don’t think many of the men did. And so I passed the time watching the moon in its transit from one horizon to another.

 

 

 

Chapter 4

Dulce et Decorum Est

June, 1862

We were roused from our tents an hour before dawn. Notice that I did not say we were awakened, for, as I told you, few had any sleep. I heard much grumbling as I and the men around me had their breakfast of hardtack and water. I must admit that it would not be my first choice, but it was food, so I ate it without complaint.

We prepared ourselves as best we could, and when it was almost time, Jenkins came over to me.

“Are you ready?”

“As ready as I can be.” It occurred to me that I did not know Jenkins’ first name, so I said, “I don’t ever recall hearing your first name. I assume you have one.”

He nodded, looking around him. “Yes. It’s Caspar. My mother loved Christmas, and she told me that was the name of one of the wise men.”

I shook his hand. “A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Caspar.”

He looked puzzled. “I already met you.”

“I meant it was the first time to know you by your first name.”

“Oh. I suppose that’s all right. Look, they’re calling us.”

We moved out of our camp and into a skirmish line. I positioned myself on the right flank, thinking I would do as I had done at Winchester. I hoped there was some place I could hide myself behind a rise or declivity in the earth, but it didn’t look promising. All I could see in the dawn was flat fields with no cover whatsoever.

We began our march to face the enemy, and it was then I spied a small grove of trees. If the other side met us soon, I could hide among the trees. We had advanced to within fifty yards of the grove when I heard an unearthly sound, like a large number of foxes wailing. “What is that?” I asked Caspar.

He looked grim. “It’s the rebels giving their yell. They’ll be upon us soon.”

“I’m going to cut through this grove. I’ll see you on the other side,” I told him, hoping he wouldn’t follow me.”

I moved toward the trees and had just about reached them when I heard a shot. I turned around to see Caspar fall over. He did not get up, and I knew he was at least badly wounded. I was sorry for that, but it meant I could hide in the grove. In a sense, if he were dead, he gave up his life to save mine. I said a silent prayer for his soul and pushed on, hiding myself under a large oak tree that had fallen, leaving as space I could wiggle into.

Perhaps you think me a coward, and it would certainly seem so, but I have already told you that I did not wish to harm anyone and certainly I did not want to be harmed myself. So I hid until the firing stopped. It was then I came out from my hiding place.

The first thing I did was go over to where Caspar lay. I examined him, and he was dead, all right. I closed his eyes and said another prayer standing over him.

Joel came over. His face was blackened around his mouth from tearing open the cartridges with his teeth. “Caleb! There you are! You must have been in an area without much action. I can tell you haven’t fired your weapon.”

I tried not to look guilty. “Yes, I was off to the right and came to a gully and went down that, thinking I could fire from behind the edge, but I fell backwards and knocked myself out. When I came to, the battle was over. What happened?”

He looked disgusted. “We advanced maybe three hundred yards. It was not worth the sacrifice of so many lives.”

“So there were many casualties?”

He nodded his head. “Yes. Far too many, at least on this part of the field. I do not know about the others, but I suspect it will be the same.”

We stood there, surveying the scene. Some of the wounded were being helped back to camp by their comrades. Others, more seriously wounded, required the use of a litter which was brought up by two soldiers from the medical corps. The stretcher party nearest us put a poor fellow on. We could see he had taken a minié ball to his leg, and would probably lose it. He was screaming with the pain, but the only thing they could give him for it was whiskey. I did not want to think about how they would take his leg off. I had seen the surgeons’ saws and knives, and knew how they would be used. I turned away and was sick.

Joel and I joined the others who were dragging back to camp. “At least we don’t have far to go,” Joel said.

“Yes. I, like you, wonder if it was worth all this.” I swept the field with my arm. I knew the graves unit would come along and bury the dead where they lay. Later on, they would be moved to a proper cemetary.

We got back to camp and I did what little cleaning up I had to do. Our officers told us we could build fires for the time being, so all up and down the line, We lit our small fires, and made coffee. A welcome silence fell over the camp as we sat around the fires and drank our coffee. Many of the men held a vacant stare, no doubt thinking of the horrors they had seen and wishing there were some way to erase those scenes from their minds.

I crawled back into my tent, and, exhausted by the events of the day, soon fell asleep, tormented by images of dead and wounded soldiers.

 

 

Chapter 1

Dreams

April, 1862

Last night, I dreamed of Laurel.

Lying on my bedroll on the hard ground, I became lost in sleep and then in this dream.

She was standing across a lake near our house. I recognized that body of water as one I had fished in often, sometimes bringing home a yellow perch or a bluegill for our supper. But I wasn’t fishing in my dream, I was just standing there, waiting for her to speak.

When she did, it intensified my yearning for her, my need to be near her and with her and continue the life we had before I went off to war. And although she was sixty feet away, her voice seemed to come from a great distance.  She called, “Come to me, Caleb. I have missed you so. Come to me.”

I started to walk around the lake since I had no boat and am not much of a hand at swimming.  She spoke again.

“No, don’t come around. Walk to me. Come to me.”

I stopped, puzzled. Did she really mean I was supposed to walk into the lake?

“Do you want me to walk in the lake? I can’t swim that well.”

“No,” she came. “Not in the lake. On the lake.”

This caught me up short. “Only our Lord could walk on water. I’ve misunderstood you.”

“No, you haven’t. Walk on the lake. Have faith in me.”

As I recalled my Bible, that’s pretty much what Jesus said to the disciples. When Peter tried to walk on water he didn’t have enough faith, so he sank. Was Laurel Jesus in another form? And if she wasn’t, was I committing blasphemy by having faith in her?

I hesitated a moment, and then decided to try in. I stepped into the lake, and to my shock, my foot didn’t go into the water. I walked on the lake.

“That’s it. Come to me. Just keep believing.” Laurel held her arms out, and I thought how much I wanted to be held in those arms. I focused on her face, thinking of her arms.

She frowned. “You are thinking of something else. You must keep believing in me.”

She was right, of course. I couldn’t help but think of her after I had not seen her for so long.

I felt the water give way, and I slid into the lake. I struggled, trying to swim to the surface, but it was as if something was pulling me down. As darkness closed in, I heard Laurel’s voice: “Because you have disobeyed me, you will never see me or our son again. This is all your fault.”

Then all went dark.

 

 

Chapter 2

Back into It

May, 1862

 

As Travis had said, we were in camp for two weeks, not really doing much besides drilling and trying to occupy ourselves as best we could. I heard some fellows say that they couldn’t wait to see some action. I myself could wait a long time for that. I did not have much experience in combat, but the little I had taught me that I did not like it and would have avoided it if I could. Of course, I had signed up for it, although I had signed up for the Confederate side, but as far as anyone knew, I was a Federal. I wonder how it would go with me if I did not fight since I did not enroll in that army, but decided that would be a bad plan. I would keep my eyes open and if possible find my way to a part of the battlefield where little was going on. My mission was to stay alive and report on the actions and plans of the Northern troops. How I would convey that information to Eleanor, I did not know, but if she could find me where I lived, I had no doubt she could determine where I was in the army.

I had found the troops on both sides were about the same: there were braggarts and bullies, holy Joes and fellows who could cuss the paint off a barn, some who were old enough to be my grandfather, and others who were so young they hadn’t shaved  yet.

My little group in the Union regiment consisted of David, who was a teacher; John, who mended shoes for a living; Roger was a tailor; Fred, who worked in a dry goods store; Paul, who was a seminary student like Alphonso; and William, who was a grocer. They all came from some place near Pittsburgh. I told them I came from Maryland, but David looked at me hard and said, “I never heard a Maryland accent like that one.”

I thought quickly. “My parents were German,” I told him “I believe that’s what you’re hearing.” He seemed to be satisfied with that. We got along well, and John was willing to fix our shoes when they needed it, and Paul was always willing to talk with anyone about spiritual matters. We teased William about going to get us some better food, and he said, “Boys, it’s a long way to that food you’re asking for, and it would spoil before I could get it here. You’re better off with what you have. At least it isn’t rotten.”

Roger said, “But it does have weevils and maggots at times. Rotten might be preferable to that.”

I allowed as how I didn’t want any of those in my food, and they all laughed and wished me luck.

Late in May, things started happening. Our lieutenant called us together. “Boys, Jackson has captured our garrison at Front Royal and likely is going to make a try for Winchester. It will be up to us to stop him. Are you in it?”

The troops responded with cheers and huzzahs, just like it was a baseball game or the like. This thought made me realize that I had not thought about baseball since I had been sent on my mission. Some fellows who had been released from Southern prisons said that no one seemed to have the energy or the heart for any kind of game, including baseball. I thought that was too bad, because playing while I was in prison took my mind off my circumstances.

We were to move out the next day, and I with the others made my preparations. I saw one fellow named Austin concentrating something beyond the normal on a letter he was writing. I decided to ask him what he was doing. I walked up to him where he sat on a log, holding his paper on a plank so he could write on it.

“Austin, you are going at it hard there with your writing. What is the occasion of such industry?”

He looked up at me. “I am writing a letter to be delivered to my next of kin should I perish in the battle. I will secret it in my clothes so they will know my thoughts of them.”

“Is this done by many fellows?”

He nodded. “It is honored in its purpose, so, yes, many of us do this. Is this something you plan to pursue?”

“This is a new practice to me, so I will have to think on it a while.”

He regarded me oddly, as if my giving the matter some thought were unusual. In truth, I had a strong sense that I would survive this war, and be reunited with my Laurel and our son. I cannot say why I thought this. Certainly my dream of Laurel the month past would seem to argue against it. But I believed that dreams were only dreams, and had little to do with us here.

We prepared ourselves and set out through first Thoroughfare Gap and then Manassas Gap and up toward Front Royal, where we engaged the Confederates. I was in a fix. I didn’t want to shoot anyone on my true side, and I certainly didn’t want to be shot myself. I hit upon a plan. I would charge my rifle but leave the ball out. That way, it would look like I was shooting, but no harm would come to anyone. I also decided to find some secluded spot where I could wait out the battle and then rejoin my comrades.

We set up across the road and Jackson’s troops were on us something fierce. As soon as I could, I made my way to a little swale back where no one could see me. I lay there, holding my rifle and breathing hard. Fighting was not for me, I decided, but I would certainly have to do some of it.

As I lay there catching my breath, someone tumbled into the place where I was. He was a Confederate, and at that close range, I knew I would have to use my bayonet, as distasteful as that might be. It would be killed or be killed, and I wanted to see Laurel and little Caleb again. As I fumbled with my bayonet, I looked up to see if the other fellow was fixing his. I dropped my bayonet in shock. “Adolphus?”

He lay down beside me. “Caleb, what in the name of all that’s holy are you doing here?”

“Trying not to get killed.”

“No, I mean, what are you doing in a Union uniform?”

“It’s a long story which I will tell you in its totality later, when we are not so beset, but it is sufficient to say that Eleanor has involved me in a scheme of espionage, and that is why I am here, thus arrayed.”

He was silent.

“What are you doing with Jackson’s army?”

“Some of us were taken to add to his forces for his Valley campaign. We are set to rejoin our regiment when all is done. Have you done much spying?”

“I have noted numbers of troops and weapons, yes.”

“How do you convey your observations to your spy mistress?”

“I use code. All believe that I am her brother writing to her as a good brother should.”

“I must admit though this scheme is diabolical, it is also clever.”

“The Devil has all the good lies, I hear, and I think that is so.”

Suddenly the noise of battle increased on the other side of the outcropping where we were. Adolphus stuck his head up so he could see over it. “I have bad news for you—it appears we are winning and your fellows are running toward Winchester. You must go.”

“I will.” I clasped his hand. “I pray for you and also for this war to be over.”

“No time for speeches—go!”

I ran parallel to the road behind a longish berm until I could tell I would be among my troops and then I joined them. It is not accurate to call them “my troops,” but I am certain a reader of this account will understand  what I mean. I joined the flight, which turned into a rout. We did not stop until we were across the Potomac and had exhausted Jackson’s troops. And so my first engagement as a Union soldier came to an end.