Throwing Away a Trash Can

This situation reminds me of the old joke about the man who owned a boomerang. He became very upset one day and made an appointment with a psychiatrist. When they met, the man was obviously agitated. “Tell me what is troubling you,” the psychiatrist said.
“It’s my boomerang,” the man answered.
“Your boomerang?”
“Yes, I keep trying to throw it away but it keeps coming back.”

I told you it was an old joke. And also not a very good one. But I was thinking of it a couple of weeks ago when I tried to throw an old trash can away.

I put it out beside the main trash can since that was too full to put the discarded trash can into the main can.

The nice trash people didn’t take it.

The next week, I did put it into the main trash can. They carefully left it by the curb.

I’m glad they’re careful to not throw away something that might be useful. But I didn’t want the trash can any more. It was dirty and ripped up. So, I did what I should have done in the first place, and put it into a trash bag. The trash people took it. End of story.

Life continues to have lessons to teach us, if only we look for them. I wish I had a nice aphorism to sum this up, but I don’t. Sigh.

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Friday Poem of the Week–Teaching Irony Through Poetry

   Teaching Irony through Poetry
(for Mary G., who understood irony and so much else)

A Poem in the Form of a Dialogue between Teacher and Students

Teacher:  “Robert Frost’s ‘Mending Wall’
Has an excellent example of the use of irony.
Since you’ve all read it for homework
Where is the irony in the poem?”

Student: “In the title?”

T: “Good guess, but no. Keep trying.”

S: “…”

T: “Any other ideas?”

S: “…”

T: “What about the neighbor’s statement, ‘Good fences make
Good neighbors?’ “

S: “That’s not ironic; it’s true.”

T: “Do you think Frost believed that it was true?”

S: “Can we ask him?”

T: “No; hes dead.”

S: “Bummer.”

T: “Yes, well, it happens to the best of us. Now, what if I told you that he believed the opposite?”

S: “That good fences make bad neighbors?”

T: “Yes, something like that.”

S: “That’s not true–our neighbor has a dog that digs up our flowers and pees all over the lawn. My parents have asked them to put up a good fence to keep the dog out. They won’t, so aren’t they bad neighbors?”

T: “Sounds like it.”

S: “So: no fences make bad neighbors. Good fences would make good neighbors where there’s an untrained dog involved.”

T: “…”

S: “So what was irony again?”

T: “Let’s try that another day. I’ve had too much fun today.”

S: “You always say that. Do you mean it?”

T: “Oh, yes.” With all my heart.

–Dan Verner

(Based on a number of dialogues with students over the years)

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The Month of Love and Presidents












For some time now, I have been curious about the exact designation of the federal holiday celebrated on the third Monday of February. It poses a usage conundrum: is it Presidents Day, or Presidents’ Day or President’s Day? If it is Presidents or Presidents’, then the holiday would honor all Presidents, probably on the theory that the office itself deserves honor and respect.  Not all Presidents were shining stars.  You can provide your own examples. Or it would honor Washington and Lincoln whose birthdays were in February and who used to each have a holiday to himself. If the designation is President’s Day, then it would be for one President.  Do we get to choose in that case? Is someone going to pick Martin van Buren?
So, in the public interest and to satisfy my own unnatural curiosity, I went to the horse’s mouth, or the OPM web site and found the answer is…none of the above.  The holiday is officially called Washington’s Birthday.  There’s no mention of other presidents at all or even Lincolnwhose 200th birthday celebration was a few years ago.  There is a footnote to Washington’s Birthday,
This holiday is designated as “Washington’s Birthday” in section 6103(a) of title 5 of the United States Code, which is the law that specifies holidays for Federal employees. Though other institutions such as state and local governments and private businesses may use other names, it is our policy to always refer to holidays by the names designated in the law.
Apparently among advertisers and in the popular imagination the holiday became Presidents Day (supply your own punctuation: I can’t help you there), probably because of the fond memories many people have of a short month that used to have three distinct holidays.
When I was a lad in school, we celebrated three holidays in February, provided they fell on weekdays. I think the Monday holiday was established to insure that we got at least two days off that month. Every year for Washington’s Birthday we studied his life and did skits, mostly involving cardboard axes and cherry trees. I wish they had told us what we know now about Washington. He had quite a relationship with Sally Fairfax who ran Belvoir Plantation in her husband’s absence and taught the young and untutored Washington about social skills and intellectual matters. 

Martha Custis, a young widow, was apparently really attractive.  She was running eight plantations when she met Washingtonand there was quite a spark between them. And probably any grandparent could identify with Washingtonwhen his step-grandson failed to graduate from three colleges and essentially became what we would call today a slacker.  Nonetheless he built Arlington House as a tribute to his grandfather. Washington  was an amazing figure, one without whom we would probably be a member of the British Commonwealth, like Canadabut without the mania for hockey.
Lincoln, too, was the subject of study and drama on his birthday.  Every seventh grader (part of elementary school when dinosaurs roamed the earth) had to memorize Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.  The most convincing orator dressed in costume and recited the speech before an assembly of the whole school.  I still remember large parts of the address. Lincolnwas a phenomenal figure.
I wonder if the skits and shows that we did on these famous men were remnants of a custom before the days of mass media.  Kits and scripts were available that allowed local communities to recreate national events.  In the case of Washington’s funeral, there were only limited descriptions in newspapers and many people could not read anyhow. For a small price, communities purchased staging directions and scripts that allowed them to restage the funeral locally, with local people playing the parts of famous figures. I believe this custom continued through Lincoln’s death but faded from practice with the advent of mass distribution periodicals and photography.
The other holiday was of course Valentine’s Day which we celebrated enthusiastically with handmade Valentines and Valentine mailboxes in classrooms.  My daughter, who teaches fourth grade, tells me the custom continues.  A Valentine’s party was the occasion for one of the best comments by one of her students.  A girl looked around during the proceedings a few years ago and said, “There’s way too much love in this room.”
I do have to wonder, is it Valentine’s Day or Valentines’ Day or Valentines Day? (Somebody stop me!)  The first would imply only one Valentine (a great idea if you are married) or a remembrance of the bishop Valentine.  If it’s plural, that would account for the thousands of elementary classrooms across the nation where everyone gets a Valentine.  Our teachers inspected every one to make sure we didn’t write something like “You’re lucky you got this, you loser.” Such cruelty is possible among children, but by and large the holiday was a grand occasion for good wishes and a lot of candy.
So, whatever you call these holidays and however you celebrate them, I hope you enjoy them all!


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Singing a Song (or Several of Them)

This is not the Voices United Choir, but part of the audience at the Hylton Performing Arts Center during one of our Chorale concerts. I’m not sure why the lights are on since they’re off during the concert. We can’t see the audience, but we can hear them breathing.

This past Saturday, we had our first rehearsal for Voices United 2013, a concert sponsored in recent years by the Manassas Chorale, which I am a part of.

Voices United brings singers from all over the area from a variety of backgrounds to a two-day workshop with a guest composer director who works on the anthems with the group and then directs them in the concert Saturday evening. American composer Joseph Martin was our director last year; this year, we have Pepper Choplin, an outstanding composer and musician with over 2000 anthems to his credit.

The VU 2013 Choir will be performing “One Voice” by Mark Hayes (a former VU director as well);”For the Beauty of the Earth” (arranged by English composer John Rutter, perhaps the premier composer in English today. Becky and I met him this summer and he is both charming and humorous. And musical.); “I’m Going Home,” a Sacred Harp song arranged by Choplin; “River in Judea,” a composed spiritual by Linda Marcus and Jack Feldman and arranged by John Leavitt; and “Create in Me” by local musician and composer Kimberley Hill, who will be singing in the choir. (This is Kim’s third published anthem, and we are very proud of her.)

The Voices United Concert takes place Saturday, March 16, 2013 at 7:30 PM at the Hylton Performing Arts Center on the Prince William Campus of George Mason University. Check the Chorale’s website at http://www.manassaschorale.org/home.aspx for more information. I hope you’ll come and I think you’ll enjoy the concert!

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Friday Poem of the Week–A Lesson on Metaphor

A hunka hunka burning…sun…

A Lesson on Metaphor

On a bright spring Friday, after lunch,
I told a sleepy class,
“This is an example of metaphor:
‘The evening sun is a dying ember.’
Something is being compared to something else
Essentially unlike it. Now give me another example.”

“The sun is a star,” one boy ventured.

A girl raised her hand, “The sun is a giant ball of
Gas.”

Another boy said, “The sun is the sun.”

“No,” I said. “Those are definitions, not metaphors.
They’re not comparing two essentially unlike things.”

“But,” the first boy insisted, “They’re true.”

“Unquestionably, they’re true. They’re just not
Metaphors.”

“Are metaphors true?” asked the girl.

The bell rang and they ran off before I could answer.
I had no answer because metaphors are and are not
True.
It depends.

The children ran off blinking in the spring sun.

Maybe I should have taught science
And not poetry.

In science, the sun is
A star
A giant ball of gas
A sun
And not

A dying ember.

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Nacho the Medical Cat

Nacho the Medical Cat Off Duty in a D-28 Case

Nacho the Cat, described accurately by her vet as a “dog in a cat suit” has been with us since 2002 or 3, when Alyssa picked her out from the animal shelter. She has taken a liking to me (so she’s “my” cat) and is a terrific companion. However during these years we have noticed that Nacho also has medical training.

When Becky broke her hip a number of years ago, while she was healing, Nacho came and got very close to the healing hip. As Becky underwent physical therapy and improved, Nacho moved to the bottom of the bed and then to a chair across the room and finally to the entrance of the room. She seemed to sense the progress of Becky’s healing.

We’ve since noticed this phenomenon on other occasions. I’m told by people who study cats that they see us as large cats who provide them food and protection. It makes sense that when they sense that their “big cat leader” is injured that they do what they can to protect their protector.

So, there’s another role for cats: they’re cute, furry, entertaining, sure, but you can add body guard and healer to that list as well.

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Good Distances Make Good Neighbors

Image from a 1908 blizzard in Minnesota. For illustrative purposes.

All this is with apologies to Robert Frost, of course, who did not believe that “good fences make good neighbors” and would be appalled to hear that line quoted as evidence that we ought to keep barriers up between ourselves. Tone is so important!

OK, enough of that. I recently The Children’s Blizzard by David Laskin (more information on this book is available at http://www.amazon.com/Childrens-Blizzard-P-S-David-Laskin/dp/0060520760 ) and found it a striking and appalling account of a January, 1888 storm that struck the Great Plains unexpectedly and killed over 200 people, many of them children. The book tells about some of the children, wandering lost in the whiteout conditions of the blizzard, stumbled across houses of people unknown to them. The people took them in and saved their lives.

I got to thinking that these pioneers lived miles apart and yet they could find help or rest at any house they came across. It was a matter of hospitality but also a matter of survival. If you’re lost in such a situation, help would be where you would find it–and you would find it at any house.

I couldn’t help contrasting this community with the ones we live in. We are perhaps 100 feet from a neighboring house, and yet, if someone pounded on a door in this community seeking help or assistance, would they receive it? I know, our times are different; we must be careful; and there are other means of assistance available to us. (This post had its origin in an idle thought I had that if the children in the blizzard had had cell phones, so many of them would not have perished. Silly idea, I know.)

So, perhaps there is something about being close to each other physically that deteriorates a sense of community. So many people around…someone else will take care of the needs.

Or will they?

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Friday Poem of the Week–Meditation on John Donne

Mediation on John Donne


This past week a long-time church member
Died suddenly, and while I did not know him well
I was shocked and saddened by his passing.
People at the church were as well, many of whom
Knew him much better than I did
And although we are “believers all who bear the name
Of Christ the living Lord” and live in that hope,
We still grieve
For a life cut short
For a family left behind
For friends who now have one less friend
And for ourselves.

And yet we rejoice
For a life well-lived
For family and friends whose lives were touched
For the world made a better place
By a life and presence.

And still we have hope
Hope as certain as a promise
As welcome as a warm day in winter
As real as tomorrow’s sunrise

We grieve and
We rejoice and
We have hope.

–Dan Verner

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Technology Wednesday–Technology that Consistently Works Well

We haven’t had a Technology Wednesday for a while, and I just checked and technology is still with us, so why not?

I think I thought of writing about technology since I’ve been, uh, engaged in trying to get my scanner to work this week.

I have one of those all-in-one printer/scanner/copier/fax machines, and to this point, it has worked well. I especially like the scanner function because I can scan funny cat pictures and send them to people I know. Yes, I know there are other ways to do that. I just like using the scanner.

But then I “upgraded” to Windows 8 a few weeks ago. Dear Microsoft: Windows 8 is pretty to look at, but where is everything? Where’s my Start button? I can’t find programs! I can’t find files! I promise I won’t even make fun of your putting the “Stop” function on the “Start” icon. Just put it back, please!

I feel better now. Anyhow, my all-in-one printer/scanner/copier/fax machine wouldn’t work all of sudden, and I surmised its printer driver needed an upgrade. I hied myself off to the Brother support site to see what I could find there and after an exhaustive search among posts and replies on the help pages, found that the LAN connection I was using with the printer didn’t support scanning. I would have to switch the machine over to a USB connection. Once I found a twelve foot USB cable. Which I did after a few days, hooked it up and scanned away. Except the automatic data feeder (ADF) didn’t work with the scanner. I suppose I should be happy it works at all.

Clearly printers and even computers are not high on the list of consistently reliable technology. I became so frustrated with one printer (long since sent to the electronic recycling bin) that I literally wanted to throw it through a closed window into the yard two stories below. I didn’t, but the impulse was there.

I got to wondering, what is a consistently reliable technology? I’ve written enough for this time, so I’ll save that topic for another time. In the meanwhile, what are your nominees for most consistently reliable technology? (I know, it depends on the meaning of “technology.” Yup, it does.)

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Familiar–and Familial–Phrases

Careful. These animals might have the epizootic.

I’m not sure that our family is unusual in that we have certain code phrases from our shared experience that we make use of in certain situations. That’s as clear as the tax code, so I’ll try to explain. Here are some examples (the ones I can make public, anyhow):

The term epizootic for a human illness. Becky’s mother used this before we were married. She wasn’t feeling well, and when Becky asked her what she had she replied, “I guess I got the epizootic.” I thought initially she had made the term up or that it was a bit of local dialect. I looked it up, and it’s a word, meaning “disease of animals.” This use of the word struck me as incredibly clever and extremely funny, so much so that the mere mention of the term sent me into gales of laughter for months afterward. So watch out for the epizootic: you don’t want to get it!

Another code phrase came from Becky’s grandmother long before I met Becky. The family was watching television and Kate Smith was singing. Becky’s grandmother came in, quickly looked at the set and exclaimed, “That woman’s big enough to be Kate Smith.” She was because it was Kate Smith (just wanted to point that out). This phrase is used when something is self-evidently evident. One of us might say, seeing someone across a parking lot unexpectedly, “That looks like Tom Wilson.” If it is Tom Wilson, the other will reply, “And that woman’s big enough to be Kate Smith.” (Trust me, this makes sense in context.)

The last phrase I wanted to mention (there are many, but they’re too embarrassing to put here) has to do with a lady at the church (who has since passed on) who fixed meals for functions at the church. She had a heavy hand with the sugar scoop, so her sweet iced tea came out sweet. I’ll call her Grace Jenkins, which was not her real name, but it will help to make the point. Any overly sweet tea we call “Grace Jenkins tea.” And we know what we mean.

Maybe you have some sayings or words in your family. If you do, send them along in a comment. I’d love to publish some of them in a future post.

Bonus terms: Becky is an excellent cook, and has only had a couple of disasters in the 39 years we’ve been married. One time, the oven stuck and the meatloaf came out looking like a big charcoal briquette. Becky called it “forest fire meatloaf,” and the term has stuck to any overdone item. There were also microwave pork chops, a code term for any underdone food, from our attempt to fix pork chops in the microwave. They came up so underdone I thought I could hear them squealing. We would have been better off baking them in the Easy Bake Oven with its light bulb heat source. (See last week’s blog about this sterling toy.)

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