Monthly Archives: January 2012

Resolutions, Part II

I’m finally getting around to writing about my New Year’s resolutions. Some people have probably made theirs and broken them all by this time. Better luck next year, I say. And  I say that probably I need to resolve to do what I say I’m going to do. I would have written this piece sooner, but other things kept coming up. Writing-type things, and for someone who fancies himself a writer (at least that’s what I’m putting as my occupation on my income tax this year—has a better ring to it than “retired”), that’s good.
All right. I have divided my resolutions into categories since a permanent resolution of mine is to become more organized
.
The first group are what I call my proletariat resolutions. These have to do with skills I would like to have but don’t since I majored in literature. I know my way around  a poem, but not around a welding torch. (That sentence has probably never been written before in the history of language.) So, I resolve to:
1. Learn to weld. Any kind will do. I’m not particular.
2. Learn to solder. Amy gave me a “learn to solder” kit for Christmas. As soon as I find it I’ll use it.
3. Learn to do electrical work without shocking myself or setting a fire, no matter how small. You don’t want to know the details.
And now for my artistic resolutions. I resolve to:
1. Work harder on writing and do a better job with it.
2. Make my blog better. Thanks to my friend, novelist Nancy Kyme*, for suggesting some ways to do this.
3. Do more drafts of my writing. That should make it more better.
4. Find good subjects that people want to read about, always a concern.
5. Spread the word about my blog (the one you’re reading now). I love my 16 followers, but I would like to have a million like Pioneer Woman. Then I could have a cooking show. I’m OK as a cook, but I bet if I were famous like she is I could get People to cook for me and I could waltz in at the last second and pretend I had done it all. Yes!
6. I want to encourage other writers, and particularly new writers and local writers.
Personal resolutions. Everyone needs some of these. I found that out in fourth grade.
I resolve to:
1. Calm down. It will be all right.
2. Stop multitasking. I can’t do it so I might as well quit trying.
3. Slow down. Maybe that way I won’t make as many mistakes and break as many things.
4. Be honest without offending people. This is tough. I will probably need some better social skills for this one.
5. Stop trying to be Sunshine Superman. Not sure exactly what that is, but I need to stop it. I think it’s related to the song “Superman” by Five for Fighting (which is actually one guy). Here are some sample lyrics to the song:
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird, I’m more than a plane
I’m more than some pretty face beside a train
And it’s not easy to be me…

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me…

 6. Stop overachieving. I’m not being graded and haven’t been for a long time Just stop it, Dan.
Techno resolutions. These are:
1. Learn to use an iPhone
2. Learn that I don’t have to answer every call.
3. Figure out how to make Becky’s email client stop asking for a password when it shouldn’t and download the incoming mail already.
So, these are my resolutions. You’re free to adopt them as your own or ignore them entirely. I probably will this year, again.

*Nancy’s book, Memory Lake, is available at Amazon.com, among other places: http://www.amazon.com/Memory-Lake-Forever-Friendships-Summer/dp/1936467054/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1326793759&sr=1-1

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Cold Hands from New York

This past week we took ourselves to New York City for one of our Broadway musical/shopping/museum/urban vibe trips. We had been in the city last September 11 to be part of a chorus that sang Rene Clausen’s Memorial at the Lincoln Center. We had rehearsals and the performance but managed to squeeze in some B/S/M/UV time. This time it was all about that.

We had a good discount on a nice hotel and so off we went last Thursday with Becky driving (as usual–I’m the navigator) to Somerville, New Jersey where we left the car and caught the New Jersey Transit into the city. We’ve found this to be a fast and relatively inexpensive way to get to Manhattan. We arrived at the hotel about 6, checked in using a spiffy electronic kiosk and set off for the TKTS booth at Times Square, which sells half-price same-day tickets to Broadway shows. Ducats (don’t you love the outdated show biz vocabulary?) for Mama Mia were available, so we snapped some up and made our way to Bubba Gump’s Shrimp Factory restaurant at Times Square, the largest of that chain. We like to eat there–the service is fast and friendly and the food is good. By the time we ate it was time to make it to the Winter Garden Theater (where Becky saw her first Broadway musical) and Mama Mia!

To tell the truth, although we had heard good things about this musical, I thought it was going to be extremely lame. I had seen the movie version and it was an embarrassment to watch a fine actress like Meryl Streep in such a horrid production. I wasn’t expecting much, but it was a case of “Wrong again, Lt. Dan!” I think it was a critic who called the play “dance at your seat exuberant” but that was exactly right. I am not a dance-at-your-seat kind of guy normally, but i made an exception for this. I did keep some of my best moves back for the series of disco nights I will be attending in the near future. As if.

 The next morning we had planned to go stand in the crowd outside The Today Show a few blocks from our hotel but sub-freezing temperatures and winds of 40+ mph had us watching the proceedings from the hotel room. Then we were off to the Metropolitan Museum where the incredible number of priceless artifacts blew me away as always. After lunch we went back to room and rested, then saw Wicked that evening, a wonderfully nuanced show that I recommend highly.

Saturday, we got some tickets for a Mary Poppins matinee that afternoon and went to the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit at the Discovery Museum at Times Square. If you have a chance to see it, please go. The antiquities are on loan from the state of Israel and gave me a case of goose bumps the whole time we were in the display.
After lunch we were off to Mary Poppins, which proved to be an unfortunate experience for me. Our seats in the nose bleed section were so cramped that my legs from the mid-calf down to my toes went numb by intermission. Not wanting to entertain a clot from DVT, I bailed out of the show (which I found annoying…sorry, Julie Andrews fans) and sat in a coffee shop and made notes for this post. Becky soldiered on inside and I met her after the show.

We went out to dinner and then back to the hotel for a quiet evening of TV and catching up on emails and Facebook.

The next morning we got underway and had an exceptionally smooth trip under clear if cold skies.

We’ll be back after an interval to recover. This sort of journey suits us well and it is expensive but we believe it to be well worth the price. The title is from a Gordon Lightfoot (who else?) song from the 60’s in which he sings about what a cold and lonely place the city is. In the 60’s when I visited it in college, I found it to be dirty, dangerous, expensive and filled with nasty people. All that has changed. The city still has its problems, but there’s no other place like it. It is clean, safe and filled with nice people, but still expensive. New York might have cold hands, but it now also has a warm heart.

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The Poem of the Air

In honor of our snowfall this past Monday, this poem by American poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
Snowflakes
Out of the bosom of the Air,
Out of the cloud-folds of her garments shaken,
Over the woodlands brown and bare,
Over the harvest-fields forsaken,
Silent, and soft, and slow
Descends the snow.
even as our cloudy fancies take
Suddenly shape in some divine expression,
Even as the troubled heart doth make
In the white countenance confession,
The troubled sky reveals
The grief it feels.
This is the poem of the air,
Slowly in silent syllables recorded;
this is the secret of despair,
Long in its cloudy bosom hoarded,
now whispered and revealed
to wood and field.

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One for the Road

I noted with sadness the passing of Bill Trumbull on Tuesday at Prince William Hospital, about a mile from where we live. I wasn’t aware he and his wife lived in the area, in Bristow. Bill was part of the ambiance of the Washington area during a 36-year run on WMAL-AM.

During the years when ‘MAL ruled the airwaves, they had a lineup that that ran all day and all night with memorable personalities and, yes, good music on the AM band. FM radio was not established in the area at that time. People set their clocks and checked their schedule against the shennanigans of Harden and Weaver in the morning, followed by Tom Gauger, then Bill with partner Chris Core in what was called at first “Two for the Road” and soon changed to “Trumbull and Core” and Felix Grant with his cool jazz program and Bill Mayhugh overnight. John Lyons was an incredible weekend guy and fill-in.

Like many other people, my car pool buddy Mike Bartlett and I listened to Trumbull and Core on our drive home. They made taking the traffic a lot easier. The show featured an eclectic mix of music and comedy. Trumbull’s self-deprecating humor was laugh-out-loud funny and the fellow always seemed to be suffering some disaster. By all accounts, he was a nice man, a rarity, I understand, in the radio business.

Chris Core did a touching tribute to his friend and partner yesterday on his “Core Values” feature on WTOP-FM. You can follow this link to listen to it: http://www.wtop.com/?nid=200&sid=2702914

I remember the fun and the silliness, but I also remember that terrible day thirty years ago tomorrow when Air Florida Flight 90 slammed into the 14th Street Bridge. We had had an early dismissal from school because of the snowstorm and it took Mike and me three hours to drive from Fairfax. Trumbull and Core kept us company the whole way. As we were coming down Barnett Street to Mike’s house (we did not move to the neighborhood until 1988), Chris Core came on and announced that an airplane had hit the bridge and gone into the Potomac. It was a chilling and memorable moment, part of the dark matter of life in the Washington area.

My condolences to Bill’s family and friends. Somehow, that friends category includes all his listeners. Rest in peace, Bill Trumbull.

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A Luminous Writer

Each week I want to feature a local writer, so Biscuit City’s first Writer of the Week is Woodbridge author Nancy Kyme. I met Nancy about a month ago at a book signing at a fair at Mayfield School. She published her first book, Memory Lake, last year and is at work on a sequel. Nancy is witty, warm, wise and unusual as a writer in that she is a C.P.A. and taught herself to write without benefit of a literature degree or an M.F.A. I’m cutting in the review of her book that I wrote for Amazon.com. I urge you to read Nancy’s book. You won’t regret it.

 Nancy at a book signing in August

More than a Summer Camp Read

Mother, daughter, military wife, C. P. A. and first-time author Nancy Kyme has penned a luminous literary non-fiction piece about her experiences at a summer camp on the shores of Lake Michigan in the 1970’s. This finely measured, clearly remembered and richly imagined work cycles in a complex recursive arc from the adult Nancy taking her daughter and the daughter’s friends to Nancy’s reunion at the camp back and forth through time by means of a sophisticated intermittent narrative of the teenaged Nancy who spent seven summers at the camp. All the classic camp story elements are there: the bunks, the cabins, the dining hall, the counselors, lessons and activities of all sorts, the smelly and somewhat brutish boy campers, the awards, encounters with nature, pranks, conflicts between girls (although minor and understated) songs, ceremonies, special trips and a sense of Edenic isolation.

And yet, like the lake at the camp’s edge, much more lurks beneath the surface. The first half of the story resonates with elements of myth, romance (in the literary sense), tragedy (loss) and a struggle to create meaning and find peace in the aftermath of a heartfelt tragedy. This is no summer beach read or even a notch or two above a summer beach read: it is a full-on resonant example of the coming of age genre told from a point of mature wisdom. I believe it is destined to become a classic if there is any justice in this world.

Memory Lake, while focusing on the difficult straits of the passage into adulthood and coming to terms with the past, lies close in imagination to Never-Never Land, the planets of Star Wars, , the wizarding world of Harry Potter, Narnia, the emerald towers of the City of Oz and the Louisiana of Steel Magnolias. With its complex but clearly presented structure, characters and setting , the book evokes not only a richly remembered past but also a calm present whose serenity has been gained only by great sacrifice. Well drawn, identifiable characters (whom we like and wish the best for), authentic dialogue, exact and evocative word choice, beautifully detailed description and poetry worked into the prose at every turn of the page create a world apart we have either experienced or wish we could have.

The second part of the story drops into a post-modern recounting of the culmination of the trip to the reunion at the camp and resonant flashbacks to a mythical wounding and its healing aftermath. We also learn the true nature of the informing tragedy of the book . The resulting philosophical and theological insights lift the narrative into the realm of the universal archeytpe while remaining firmly rooted in everyday events and miraculous epiphanies.

With this book, Kyme joins the ranks of authors like Alice Sebold, A. S. Byatt, Barbara Kingsolver, Alice Munro, Laurie Colwin and Anne Tyler, who write about ordinary life and its implications and who illuminate matters of the heart with skill, insight and subtlety. I pray that she has many, many more stories in her heart and mind for all of us who need to remember, to hope, to be unafraid, to move on and to love.

I am a rapid reader, and normally I could have read the 400-plus pages of a book like this in two days at the least, and four days at the most. This book took me three weeks of solid reading because I crawled through it. There was so much to see along the way–I don’t regret the time I spent reading at all. It was time and effort well spent.

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Ben Franklin’s Resolutions

   
If you ever studied American literature in any way, you have probably come across Ben Franklin’s List of Virtues which he says he attempted to cultivate. He had a dozen and added Humility when a Quaker friend suggested that as something he needed to add to his behavior and attitude. We all need friends like that, right? Uh, right?
If you’re like me, and I don’t see any reason you should be, you think also of the passage from Franklin’s Autobiography (which by some accounts should be on the fiction shelf since the good citizens of the time were not above embellishing a tale or two especially if it would help sell books and make money) in which he lands in Philadelphia at age 17 after having been in Boston where he was on the outs with his printer brother for writing a series of very popular letters to the paper under a pseudonym (imagine!). Being hungry from his voyage, he buys some rolls, sticks a couple in his pocket and walks down the street eating a roll. His future wife saw him wandering down the street and was much amused by his appearance. The rest, as they say, is history.
Anyhow, here is his List of Virtues:

·  Temperance: Eat not to Dullness, drink not to elevation
 · Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself.    
   Avoid trifling Conversation

 · Order: Let all your Things have their Places. Let each Part of
    your Business have its Time

·  Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform 
   without fail what you resolve.

·  Frugality: Make no Expense but to do good to others or 
   yourself: i.e. Waste Nothing

·  Industry: Lose no Time. Be always employ’d in something 
   useful. Cut off all unnecessary Actions

·  Sincerity: Use no hurtful Deceit. Think innocently and justly; 
   and, if you speak; speak accordingly.

·  Justice: Wrong none, by doing Injuries or omitting the Benefits
   that are your Duty.

·  Moderation: Avoid Extremes. Forbear resenting Injuries so 
   much as you think they deserve.

·  Cleanliness: Tolerate no Uncleanness in Body, Clothes, or 
   Habitation

·  Tranquility: Be not disturbed at Trifles, or at Accidents 
    common or unavoidable.

·  Chastity: Rarely use Venery but for Health or Offspring; Never
    to Dullness, Weakness, or the Injury of your own or another’s 
    Peace or Reputation.

·  Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.
Not a bad list, that. He had a grid out from the virtues and gave himself a check for every day he practiced a particular viritue to try to improve himself.

Franklin is a part of a fascinating book by Tony Franklin entitled The Pox and the Covenant. It’s about the outbreak of smallpox in Boston in 1721. The leading lights lined up on both sides of the issue: the clergy, somewhat surprisingly was for inoculation; the doctors opposed it. Franklin, as I remember, wrote against it in the paper. But check out the Amazon. com website on the book at http://www.amazon.com/Pox-Covenant-Franklin-Epidemic-Americas/dp/1402260938/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1326211056&sr=1-1 Better yet, buy the book and read all about it for yourself. Tony Williams is a smart, articulate young fellow who deserves a read.

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George Washington’s Resolutions

When I think of resolutions my English major mind turns to two examples from American literature, George Washington’s 110 Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation and Ben Franklin’s List of Virtues to Live By. If you’re interested in Washington’s 110 Rules (and who wouldn’t be?) you can read the whole list at http://www.foundationsmag.com/civility.html. I’ll deal with Franklin’s in another post. By the time I get to my own resolutions the year will be over.
 By age sixteen, Washington had copied out by hand, 110 Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation. They are based on a set of rules composed by French Jesuits in 1595. Presumably they were copied out as part of an exercise in penmanship assigned by young Washington’s schoolmaster. The first English translation of the French rules appeared in 1640. I picked out a few that interested me to publish here:
#2 When in Company, put not your Hands to any Part of the Body, not usually Discovered. I’m sure my daughter Amy, the fourth grade teacher, has a more modern and direct way to say this to her students. I’ll check and get back to you on how she handles this.
#6: Sleep not when others Speak, Sit not when others stand, Speak not when you Should hold your Peace, walk not on when others Stop. The best compliment I ever got was from a teaching colleague. One day she said, “I’ve noticed that whenever someone talks to you, you stop and listen.” I don’t always do that but I thought that an awfully nice thing to say about a behavior I wasn’t aware of. I suppose I must think it polite.
# 13: Kill no Vermin as Fleas, lice ticks &c in the Sight of Others, if you See any filth or thick Spittle put your foot Dexterously upon it if it be upon the Cloths of your Companions, Put it off privately, and if it be upon your own Cloths return Thanks to him who puts it off. Who wants to live in the eighteenth century? Raise your hand! Anyone? Anyone?
 #24 Do not laugh too loud or too much at any Public Spectacle. So let me get this straight. Some guy slips on a banana peel on the sidewalk in front of me and I’m not supposed to “laugh too loud or too much?” I don’t think so…
#37  In speaking to men of Quality do not lean nor Look them full in the Face, nor approach too near them at lest Keep a full Pace from them. you know, all I have to do is make a quick visit to the Quality Store and I won’t have this pesky problem of my social inferiors getting in my face or standing too close. I hate it when that happens…
#38  In visiting the Sick, do not Presently play the Physician if you be not Knowing therein. You know, the AMA doesn’t dig that, either…
#53: Run not in the Streets, neither go too slowly nor with Mouth open go not Shaking your Arms kick not the earth with R feet, go not upon the Toes, nor in a Dancing fashion. You know, he has described exactly how I like to roll, and I’ll be darned if I’m going to let Geo. Washington spoil my fun!
#56: Associate yourself with Men of good Quality if you Esteem your own Reputation; for ‘is better to be alone than in bad Company. Now this is some good advice. (Just expand it to “Men and Women” and you’ll have it.) Kids, are you listening?
#57: In walking up and Down in a House, only with One in Company if he be Greater than yourself, at the first give him the Right hand and Stop not till he does and be not the first that turns, and when you do turn let it be with your face towards him, if he be a Man of Great Quality, walk not with him Cheek by Joul but Somewhat behind him; but yet in Such a Manner that he may easily Speak to you. And I thought social conventions are complicated these days!
#95:  Put not your meat to your Mouth with your Knife in your hand neither Spit forth the Stones of any fruit Pie upon a Dish nor Cast anything under the table. OK, I’ll try to do better.
#100: Cleanse not your teeth with the table cloth napkin, fork, or knife; but if others do it, let it be done without a peep to them. You heard the man: no peeping at the table. 
#110: Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience. You know,G.W. knew what he was talking about.

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Death Be Not Proud

It seems that we have been going through a season of deaths and serious illnesses among people we know, some sudden and unexpected, some expected but deeply felt nonetheless. This blog is for Stewart and Scott and Steve and Emily’s dad who either passed away recently or are at death’s door and for their families and loved ones. Becky and I pray for peace, feeling the love and support of family and friends and hope and healing for all those who suffer this pain.

At the same time, there have been joys, healings and fortuitous events among people we know. Our young friend Matt returned home from his second tour of Afghanistan this past week. His wife is expecting their first child. We rejoice with those who have had births in their family and with those who are anticipating such a happy event. There have been miraculous healings and other answers to prayers.

So, for those who grieve and for those who suffer, this poem by John Donne from the seventeenth century. This  sonnet is very dense, but Biscuit City readers are intelligent as well as good-looking so I know you will appreciate Dr. Donne’s effort:

Death Be Not Proud
DEATH be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think’st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell’st thou then;
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.

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A Small Reflection

The New Year is of course a time to look forward, to think about the possibilities of the year to come, and to wish our fellow travelers on this journey we share health, happiness and prosperity in the coming twelve months.
The turning of the year is also a time to look back, to reflect on what has gone before and to remember. Many people find themselves at least reflective at this time of year as they look backward, and some find themselves melancholy or wistful as they think of those who are no longer with us. The absence of loved ones whether they are removed by distance or broken relationships or by death is deeply felt as families contemplate empty seats at the holiday table.
I was thinking about all this late yesterday afternoon while I was raking up another batch of holly prunings from the Great Pruning Event of 2011at my house, and putting them into trash cans for curbside yard waste pickup courtesy of our tax dollars and the City of Manassas. As I was putting the clippings in the cans, it started raining. The temperature was about 60 degrees on the first day of the year, so I kept working.
I was instantly reminded that my mother used to garden in the rain, and I had to smile. I would see her in the garden, hopping between rows, bent over pulling weeds out and flinging them into the air, getting soaked to the skin in the warm August air. “Gardening in the rain is the way to do it,” she would exclaim. I told her she was crazy. We were close like that.
I figured out later that the weeds were easier to pull from the wet soil, plants that were put in received a good drink of water, and the rain cooled the hot humid summer air. So there was a method to her madness after all.
She always said, “I thought you would be my gardener,” and there was some disappointment in her voice. I generally shrugged and said I wasn’t very good at growing things. I didn’t have the interest or the patience and my parents and Becky’s provided us with all the vegetables, flowers, roses, shrubs and other plants we ever needed.
I tried to grow some plants, but most died like my Japanese maple tree that I nurtured for ten years to a height of about eighteen inches. It burned up in the heat this past summer. I was hoping it would grow to about four feet and have fiery red leaves in the fall. It won’t ever do that.
I have thought of my mother more this holiday season than I have for the four-plus years since she died. I  know it’s not unusual to think of those who have passed on at Christmas, but for some reason the holidays came and went in earlier years and I wasn’t bothered that much. This year I have thought of her often and remember her well, all the things she said (like “This too shall pass” when I wanted to do something particularly stupid in my teens) and all we did. We were very close, and I miss her badly. 
She has been gone, as I have said, for just over four years, but in reality she started fading into Alzheimer’s about 2001.  One of the last coherent conversations I had with her was when she called me to tell me that my brother the airline pilot was safe on the ground in Chicago after the 9/11 attacks. So she started leaving us about ten years ago. Maybe that’s why her absence struck me particularly hard this year.
I was recalling others that we know who lost a parent or loved one around Christmas time. The month of December 2002 was a particularly hard one for several people in our church. Tom Harris, a prince of a fellow and not that old, died the week before Christmas of complications from surgery. Onie Libeau’s mother Margarite (nicknamed “Jimmy” by her father because he wanted a boy and she was the third of five girls) passed at age 94 at Lakewood Manor near Richmond. Becky and I went to that service, but we had to split up when Tom’s service fell at the same time as the funeral for Kathi Crowder’s mother in Falls Church. Becky played for Tom’s and I went to represent the church and our family at Kathi’s mom’s service.

Kathi read a poem at her mom’s service that has stayed with me called “I’m Spending Christmas with Jesus this Year.” 

I see the countless Christmas trees
Around the world below,
With tiny lights like heaven’s stars
Reflecting in the snow.

The sight is so spectacular
Please wipe away that tear
For I’m spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
That people hold so dear
But earthly music can’t compare
With the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you
The joy their voices bring
For it’s beyond description
To hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
Trust God and have no fear
For I’m spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.

I can’t tell you of the splendor
Or the peace here in this place.
Can you imagine Christmas
With our Savior, face to face?

May God uplift your spirit
As I tell Him of your love
Then pray for one another
As you lift your eyes above.
So let your hearts be joyful
And let your spirits sing
For I’m spending Christmas in Heaven
And I’m walking with the king! 

Of course, all three services were for believers. Paul wrote in  1 Thessalonians 4:13 so long ago, “Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope.” We have that great hope in the Resurrection and so the sting and separation of death is lessened. Kathi said her dad wanted to celebrate Christmas that year and they did, in the valley of the shadow. She said they laughed and they cried, but were sustained by faith and hope. 

I suspect I have been going through a rough patch this year about my mom, possibly because I went through much of her and my dad’s household effects when he moved into assisted living this fall. There were so many associations of the items with our past as a family, and so many utensils and dishes that she used and household items she had picked out to give us a comfortable home. Going through them and either giving them away or throwing away what no one could use took its toll on me, but I was lifted by two discoveries in among all the possessions. 

One was contained in a train case that was part of a pristine Lady Baltimore luggage set that I didn’t even know she had. It was stored in the attic of the house my dad still owns. In the case was a clipping from the high school newspaper I worked on junior and senior years. She had saved the part of the paper that had an article about my participation as an “It’s Academic” team alternate and on the reverse side, a silly editorial I wrote about Santa visiting my high school. I took this clipping as her way of still encouraging me, as she always did but this time from beyond the grave, and urging me to continue writing, some 48 years after the paper was published.

The second item I discovered was in the last box I went through, located  in a shed. The box contained mostly dishes, and it had been stacked on some other boxes. When the earthquake struck this past August, the box fell and shattered the dishes in it. I contemplated just tossing the whole box away, but something, almost an audible voice, told me I should go through it. I did and found at the bottom an elegant tiny silver egg cup that looks like nothing more than a chalice. I imagine it as a small replica of the Holy Grail.

I have that egg cup on the shelf above the computer where I sit writing this piece. It is a link to a good woman, a master gardener, and a mother and wife who loved us all and found a way to tell us that she is all right, tending the gardens of Paradise,  and that we will be reunited with her some day. This, I believe, is part of the message and hope of Christmas and of New Year’s as we move into an unknown future sustained by hope, girded by courage, comforted by love, and bathed in the peace that passes understanding.

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Resolutions

I know, it’s a little late to be writing about resolutions for the new year. Some people have already made their resolutions and given up on them but I’ve been thinking about them nonetheless. I go back and forth about having resolutions since, like so many other people, they get lost in the shuffle, But I think I have some attainables this year. (Attainables? Where did that word come from? It sounds like “Lunchables,” those horrid ersatz food packs for kids. Ugh.)
One of my favorite recent movies is As Good as It Gets in which Jack Nicholson plays Melvin Udall, a brilliant misanthropic writer who, as Becky would say, never has an unuttered thought. He delivers some breathtakingly awful observations and comments (this is not a film to watch with your family–sorry, kids, adults only) and seems set in his racist, misogynist, homophobic (and whatever other pejorative adjectives you got) ways until he meets Carol Connelley (played to the vulnerable hilt by Helen Hunt), a single mother who is a waitress. In an incredibly awkward scene, he has taken her to dinner and she is sitting there terrified of what he will say next. He tells her he has a compliment for her, something about taking his pills, and she does not understand how that is a compliment. He thinks some more and finally tells her, “You make me want to be a better man.”
I think this is one of the great lines from the movies, and I was thinking of it in regard to an episode that happened to me long ago and far away. I was in fourth grade, and we were privileged to have as our teacher, Mrs. M., a kindly lady who played piano beautifully and sang like an angel. We learned so much music from her. Mrs. M. had contracted polio as a child and walked with a crutch. We were soliticious of her, remarkably so for fourth graders, who my daughter Amy assures me after over a decade in the classroom with them, are not always sensitive and caring. We carried books for her and guarded her as she went up and down the steps in those pre-ADA days. I think I’ve written that when she had to have an operation related to her condition in October of that year, the whole class cried all day. When she came back, the class spontaneously invented the group hug. We were so happy to see her.

When we came back from Christmas vacation, which I remember as lasting about two weeks, although a child’s sense of time is not always accurate, Mrs. M. asked each of us to write down one resolution for the year. She would keep them and let us have them at the end of the year so we could see what progress we had made.
I thought long and hard as I thought about my resolution, chewing the barrel of my well-chewed pencil as I pondered what would make a good attainable resolution and yet still impress the class and Mrs. M. Be kinder to my brother? Nah, there were some things not worth giving up. Obey my parents cheerfully? The “cheerful” part was the rub. “Be a kinder gentler person?” Sounded political somehow.

I finally decided to drop back a level in abstraction and wrote, “My resolution for 1957 is to be a better person.” I thought that I was such a good person to begin with and so this was an exceptionally attainable goal with little to no work required on my part. Mrs. M. would be impressed with it and it would also be guaranteed to win the approval of my classmates. It was a classic win-win-win situation.

Mrs. M. collected our resolutions and then read them one by one to the class. We were used to her reading our writings to the class or having us read them. She was always gentle and encouraging about our writing.

Most of my classmates’ resolutions were what I considered lame: “I want to do better in math,” “I want to remember my lunch money more often,” and “I want to have fewer nose bleeds.” At each of these Mrs. M. looked at the author, smiled and said something like, “I just know you will reach your goal.” Then she got to me. I remember what she said, word for word to this day:
“Danny (this is my given name and one I went by until I went to college. It’s a long story how I was called that for another time), I see that your resolution is to be a better person. I’m sure that if you work very hard at that you can improve yourself in a few areas.”

I sat there, stunned. She did not say, “Danny, you’re such a wonderful person that you’ve already achieved this goal. I give it an “A,” and you may have the rest of the day off.” In my imaginings my classmates cheered and stomped their feet and then took me on their shoulders and carried me around the room.

Instead they laughed. For some reason they found the idea that I could improve myself humorous. My cheeks burned with embarassment as I understood how follish I had been to imagine that I couldn’t be improved on. Mercifully, it was then time for recess and we all went outside. My buddies and I played some basketball but occasionally one of them would look at me and grin. What could I say? I deserved it.

I don’t blame Mrs. M. or my classmates for this episode. It was all my own doing. And maybe that’s why for a long time I didn’t make New Year’s resolutions.

I’ll do another post next week about my resolutions for next year. Recalling this has been exhausting, and I’m going to go lie down for a while.

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