Monthly Archives: July 2012

Now, don’t worry a bit: I’m not going to post a video of me singing the theme song (and the endlessly repeated melody) of Cats. Now, I’m a big fan of Andrew Lloyd Webber–I just love Evita and Phantom of the Opera–but Cats, forgive me, is a one tune dog. When it was popular, people who saw it said, “Oh, the actors act just like cats on stage. They make you forget they’re people.”

Then we saw it and my reply to that observation was, “No, they don’t. They look like people in cat suits trying to act like cats and succeeding only  in looking like people in cat suits acting acting like cats.” Does that make sense. Anyhow, it didn’t work for me.

Anyhow, this post is about memory and about how I have none. Nil. Zip. Nada. Zero. I forget what I’ve gone to the store to get if it’s more than two items and I don’t write them down. I forget what I came into a room to do. I don’t remember what I went upstairs to find. Names are the worse, and that little occurrence usually happens at church when I go to make an introduction and can’t remember the name of a friend I’ve known for decades to introduce them to someone I’ve just met. That’s embarrassing. Most of the time my former long-time friend will bail me out by introducing him or herself. Occasionally, though, even a long time friend will leave me twisting in  the wind of my own making.

I went to introduce a lady I’ve known for a long time to someone and could not think of her name. I said, “Jane, I’d like to introduce you to…” and my mind went blank. My friend looked coolly at me and said, “If you can’t remember my name, I’m not going to help you.” AWK-ward, yes. After about thirty seconds I thought of her name and realized how long thirty seconds can be when you’re standing there waiting for something to happen. Once I remembered who she was, the rest of the introduction went smoothly, and I believe my friend has forgiven me for my faux pas.

I understand, talking with people in a certain, uh, age bracket, that this is a rather common phenomenon, but common or not, it’s bothersome. I think I came upon this truth when I realized that most of my everyday activities are devoted to doing things that help me to remember things. I put things in front of the door that I need to take some place. This doesn’t always work when I step over them. I put things in the car ahead of time so they will go with me. Unfortunately, I have two cars that I use and I have to remember which object is in which car for this to work. I even keep three calendars. I have a small paper calendar I keep at my desk, a small pocket calendar I keep, strangely enough, in my pocket, and lately I’ve started keeping track of events on my iPhone. I’m a member of the digital bridge generation, though, so I don’t completely trust digital devices. Hence the paper calendars.

My calendars usually are the worse for wear. I used to write down things I didn’t want to forget in a cool little paper covered Moleskine notebook but after a while living in my pocket, it looked like what a friend described as a wad of napkins. Now I rely on what Alyssa calls squirrelly scraps of paper. I sometimes transfer these notes to notebooks, one for regular writing ideas and one for choir devotional ideas. That doesn’t mean that I remember what these notes mean when I go back to look at them. More’s the pity, I know.

In the Middle Ages, scholars relied on what were called houses and cathedrals of memory. They pictured objects in the structure which helped them remember thousands of things or ideas/ For example, if they wanted to remember the medieval curriculum, they might picture a knight studying a book. Night study=astronomy. I think it’s easier just to remember astronomy, myself, but then I don’t live in the Middle Ages. And I can’t remember thousands of items, either.

I have tried relying on my memory more, doing things like moving my watch to my left wrist. Later, though, I’ll think, “Why is my watch on my left wrist?” so that doesn’t always work. Mnemonic devices are useful for things like the colors of the spectrum in order (ROY G. BIV), which are about all the colors I know anyhow. Becky worked out a homemade mnemonic for me to remember what we get when we order pizza. It’s MOPS–mushroom, onion, pepperoni and sausage. And I pretty well have Becky’s preference for a Subway sandwich memorized.

And so, when it comes to memory, I’m a work in progress. If I can remember what that means.

The primordial forests
That once covered this continent
East of the Mississippi
Were cut down
And made into paper
Which is now in a pile
On my desk


All of it.


–Dan Verner

This metaphor doesn’t come from me, but rather from Elizabeth Haugen, the pastor of Washington Plaza Baptist Church in Reston. She compare writing to running a marathon.

I was a runner, once, in my twenties and thirties, although walking for exercise is now more my style. I actually ran in a race, a 10K in which I came in dead last. I was never fast, but I was tenacious.

Enjoy Elizabeth’s post, “Like Running a Marathon…Writing a Book,” at http://preacherontheplaza.wordpress.com/2012/07/09/like-running-a-marathon-writing-a-book/

Yes, yes, I know I said I was going to write on technology and society on Wednesdays, but sometimes things come up. And I lied.

OK, try this. I am presently going through a list of Nine Things that Will Disappear in (Your, My, Our) Lifetime(s). So far I have reflected on checks and privacy (I think). Anyhow, I came across another list so this post is related in that it pertains to a list. So I hope that makes a difference. If you have complaints, please send them to:

Harrison Bergeron, Blogmaster
Biscuit City Productions
Biscuit City VA 20007.3

The list is from a Kiplinger magazine article on “Seven Things Worth Splurging On.” Here’s a link if you don’t believe that I am not making this up. And it has pictures in case you have never seen something like a watch: http://money.msn.com/shopping-deals/7-things-worth-splurging-on-kiplinger.aspx?cp-documentid=250086734

(An aside here: Isn’t “splurge” a funny word? I think so. I hope you do, too.)

So, the seven things are:

1. A kitchen renovation. Agreed. We had ours redone about three years ago and we love it love it love it. Sometimes I walk into the kitchen and think I’m in another house. Then I forget what I came in for. Usually, it’s to eat something, so that narrows it down.

2. Apple stock. $610 a share. If I invested directly in the stock market, maybe. But we have our investments through an investment counselor. I have no idea what they are. We meet with him and he shows us colorful graphs and charts, and I still have no idea what is going on. A financial genius I am not, other than to tell you, “Buy low, sell high.” There. Who says blogs are useless?

3. Non-Stop Flights. It says they save time and money. No duh. You can fly directly to Atlanta in about an hour and a half or you can take a two-stop through Cleveland and Orlando and take all day. Your choice, Sparky.

4.  A Digital SLR Camera. Sure. Why not? I take lousy pictures, and I’m sure they would be lousy if I used said digital SLR camera or my Kodak Instamatic.

5. An American Express Premier Rewards Gold Card. C’mon now. I have so many credit cards now I’m not even sure what they are. I need another one about like a hole in the head, Gold Rewards or Golden Calf or whatever.

6. A Cartier Watch worth $4650. No, thanks. I like my $29.95 Timex. The Cartier is supposed to last a lifetime. I calculate I can by 155 Timexes the price of one Cartier. If the Timex lasts only a year (and they last four or five years), I would be 219 years old by the time I made up the price of the Cartier.

7. Prix Fixe Fine Dining. Sure would, if I could find a place within 200 miles of where I live that offers such a thing. In the meantime, we have coupons for Red, Hot and Blue.

I know, I sound  like a cheapskate. I am. And I have my own indulgences, including guitars that are worth the equivalent of three Cartier watches. But you can’t play “Stairway to Heaven” on a watch. I’ve tried and it doesn’t work. 

But you indulge yourself however you want. You work hard, and you’ve earned it.

Book Review

I see that John Grisham has a new book,
Calico Joe, about a baseball player who
Disappears suddenly one day.
I would like to read it
Since I like John Grisham
And I like baseball.

The title, however, made me think
That the book was about a horse or a dog
Since “Calico Joe” does not sound like a name
For a baseball player. “Shoeless Joe” and
“The Bambino” and “The Splendid Splinter,”
sound like names for ball players and indeed they are
But “Calico Joe?” Why not “Gingham Fred”
Or “Cotton/Polyester Blend Barney?”
I think you see my point.

I remember reading books about animals
When I was a lad.
I especially liked Black Beauty which is
About a horse
And one called Beautiful Joe
About an exceptionally ugly dog
Beloved by children.
Even as a child, I understood the
Post-ironic nature of the dog’s name
That he was a beautiful soul
In spite of his physical appearance.

I think that was an important early lesson to me
And I try not to judge on appearances
Although it’s hard not to do so

And so, I cannot tell you about the book
Calico Joe because I have not read it
And although I don’t like the title
Because it is about baseball and by John Grisham
I just bet that
It is a good book.

Sometimes, revision means discarding a particular word that doesn’t “ring” and finding one that does. Other times it might mean going through and looking for passive voice. Or the same words used in close promixity to each other. I wrote something recently and used the word “personal” three times within two sentences. Sometimes I can substitute a synonym. Sometimes I have to reconstruct the sentence(s). All these things come about when I am throwing down a first draft. Just get it down and fix it later.

For this post, I want to consider cutting parts of writing. I know, none of us wants to discard a single precious word that flows from the ends of our fingers (or however else you might produce writing–I don’t want to limit anyone here). Most of the time, though, making something shorter makes it better.

I have had the good fortune to write a column for two local papers in the past four years, and typically, those columns run to about 750 words. I can write more, but I don’t want to irritate my editor by forcing her to rework a piece to make it shorter. That’s my job. You probably recall the inverted triangle (pyramid) structure of a news story. Important stuff in the lead paragraph (but punch it up!), other stuff in order of decreasing importance. That’s so if the poor longsuffering editors needs to cut your deathless prose, they can lop it off at the end with little lost. Columns, not  so much since the last sentence where I put wisdom of the ages (or a really weak pun, whatever).

So, I had a story I had written a few years ago and had never published. Yes, I sometimes write things for the fun of writing them. I know that’s an odd practice. This wonderful story ran to 1500 words, and I needed to cut it down to 750 for the column.

My practice is first to go through and eliminate paragraphs that can depart. There are usually two or three.

Next, I see if I can cut out some of the dialogue. I like to use dialogue because it speaks to me (there’s your weak pun!).

Then, I chop out sentences that would enjoy a respite.

And finally, we get down to it when I cut out words that aren’t necessary.

That’s how I cut the story in half. Actually, it took longer to edit the column down to size than it would have to write a fresh one. But I liked the approach and message of a piece and it’s worth taking the time to make it right and to make it shorter.

And that’s the long and short of it.