How to Do Laundry



Folded Clothes

First, find some clothes

That need washing.

If you don’t have any,

Borrow some from

A neighbor.

They’ll be glad to

Let you clean their clothes

For them.

Next, find a washing machine

And a dryer or clothes line.

If you don’t have these, buy them

Or use a laundromat.

The choice is yours,

Although having your own

Washer and dryer eliminates the need

To carry around a bunch

Of quarters.

They’re heavy, and you could

Get robbed on your way.

Now take the dirty clothes

(Yours or someone else’s)

And don’t forget the bed clothes

And linens

And put them in the washer,

Taking care to make sure

The load is balanced.

If you don’t, your washer

Could beat itself to pieces

And you would be unhappy

And still not have clean clothes.

Add your favorite laundry detergent

Following the manufacturers’ suggestion

For the amount. Please note that their

Directions are only suggestions.

You can dump in a whole bottle

If you want to. Of course, suds will

Stream from the washer when you

Open the top and flow all over

Your house. You’ll be able to

Clean your house using these suds,

So it’s all good. Your house will smell

Fresh and sparkling and your

Friends will be impressed when

You come to visit.

When your wash is finished,

You have options for

Drying it.

You may use a dryer

Or you can put your wet

Clothes on a clothes line

If you can find one.

You can also drape your

Wet laundry over chairs

Or indoor drying racks

(A third possibility)

Although it will take

A week for them to dry.

It’s your time.

Clothes on a clothes line

Use free solar power to dry

The clothes (how can anything

Be so retro and so cutting edge

At the same time? I don’t know.

(If you do, call me.)

You can also put them in

The dryer, but that costs.

You choose. I’ll wait.

When your clothes are dry,

The fun has only begun.

You must fold your clothes,

Bedclothes, towels, wash cloths

And linens.

To do this, first take your briefs,

Shake them to remove

Wrinkles and fold them

Carefully so they won’t wrinkle.

Why we must do this is

Beyond me, because most people

Will not see your briefs

To know what they look

Like. At least I hope no one does.

If they do, don’t tell me.

I can’t stand the thought.

Next, take your shirts

And treat them like your

Briefs, only shirts are

Larger. If you have

Difficulty telling briefs and shirts

Apart, ask a friendly person to

Help you with this. Do not

Ask a grouch, who will tell you

A shirt is a pair of briefs or

Vice versa. That would not be

Good if you tried to wear

Your briefs as a shirt.

Take it from me. Don’t try this

At home.

Next, fold your pants

Carefully for the same reasons

You did your briefs. The difference

Is that people will see your pants,

So no wrinkles, please.

Thank you.

(If you are a man. I will not

Tell you how to launder

Women’s clothes because

I do not wear them. Some men

Do, and I support their choice.

Having a choice is important,

Don’t you think? Good. I do, too.)

Now it’s time to fold the


Rest of your laundry.

Towels, wash cloths

And linens are no problem

They are smaller and

You can fold them

By yourself.

But bed clothes are easier

If you have someone to help you.

I hope you do.

If not, have your dog

Or cat help you.

They’ll be glad to do it

And maybe they won’t

Wake you up in the middle

Of the night wanting to

Be fed if they can have a part

In folding the bed clothes.

Once you have your clothes folded,

You can have fun with them.

Put your nice clean socks

Over your hands

And pretend your arms and hands

Are the legs of the Rockettes.

Have yourself a high kicking

Christmas show time!

If it’s not the Christmas

Season, I won’t tell.

It will be our secret.

Take a shirt and, moving

The arm, pretend you are

Tom Brady throwing a

Touchdown with

A properly inflated ball

(If you can.)

And then, take a pair of

Pants and imagine that

You are a ballet dancer

And make your pants

Do plies and jetes and

Other French words

I do not know how to spell,

Even in English.

Take a sheet and pretend

You are sailing in the

America’s Cup and you

Are winning or

Take a towel and tie it

Around your neck

And pretend you are a

Flying hero. I don’t care

Which one, but I liked

Playing I was Superman

But don’t let me stop you.

And so, if you do all this

You will have had fun

Washing and drying

Your clothes and

Using your imagination

With them.

And you can tell everyone

About all of this.

I just know you will.


Dan Verner

April 25, 2017

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