First, find some clothes
That need washing.
If you don’t have any,
Borrow some from
A neighbor.
They’ll be glad to
Let you clean their clothes
For them.
Next, find a washing machine
And a dryer or clothes line.
If you don’t have these, buy them
Or use a laundromat.
The choice is yours,
Although having your own
Washer and dryer eliminates the need
To carry around a bunch
Of quarters.
They’re heavy, and you could
Get robbed on your way.
Now take the dirty clothes
(Yours or someone else’s)
And don’t forget the bed clothes
And linens
And put them in the washer,
Taking care to make sure
The load is balanced.
If you don’t, your washer
Could beat itself to pieces
And you would be unhappy
And still not have clean clothes.
Add your favorite laundry detergent
Following the manufacturers’ suggestion
For the amount. Please note that their
Directions are only suggestions.
You can dump in a whole bottle
If you want to. Of course, suds will
Stream from the washer when you
Open the top and flow all over
Your house. You’ll be able to
Clean your house using these suds,
So it’s all good. Your house will smell
Fresh and sparkling and your
Friends will be impressed when
You come to visit.
When your wash is finished,
You have options for
Drying it.
You may use a dryer
Or you can put your wet
Clothes on a clothes line
If you can find one.
You can also drape your
Wet laundry over chairs
Or indoor drying racks
(A third possibility)
Although it will take
A week for them to dry.
It’s your time.
Clothes on a clothes line
Use free solar power to dry
The clothes (how can anything
Be so retro and so cutting edge
At the same time? I don’t know.
(If you do, call me.)
You can also put them in
The dryer, but that costs.
You choose. I’ll wait.
When your clothes are dry,
The fun has only begun.
You must fold your clothes,
Bedclothes, towels, wash cloths
And linens.
To do this, first take your briefs,
Shake them to remove
Wrinkles and fold them
Carefully so they won’t wrinkle.
Why we must do this is
Beyond me, because most people
Will not see your briefs
To know what they look
Like. At least I hope no one does.
If they do, don’t tell me.
I can’t stand the thought.
Next, take your shirts
And treat them like your
Briefs, only shirts are
Larger. If you have
Difficulty telling briefs and shirts
Apart, ask a friendly person to
Help you with this. Do not
Ask a grouch, who will tell you
A shirt is a pair of briefs or
Vice versa. That would not be
Good if you tried to wear
Your briefs as a shirt.
Take it from me. Don’t try this
At home.
Next, fold your pants
Carefully for the same reasons
You did your briefs. The difference
Is that people will see your pants,
So no wrinkles, please.
Thank you.
(If you are a man. I will not
Tell you how to launder
Women’s clothes because
I do not wear them. Some men
Do, and I support their choice.
Having a choice is important,
Don’t you think? Good. I do, too.)
Now it’s time to fold the
Rest of your laundry.
Towels, wash cloths
And linens are no problem
They are smaller and
You can fold them
By yourself.
But bed clothes are easier
If you have someone to help you.
I hope you do.
If not, have your dog
Or cat help you.
They’ll be glad to do it
And maybe they won’t
Wake you up in the middle
Of the night wanting to
Be fed if they can have a part
In folding the bed clothes.
Once you have your clothes folded,
You can have fun with them.
Put your nice clean socks
Over your hands
And pretend your arms and hands
Are the legs of the Rockettes.
Have yourself a high kicking
Christmas show time!
If it’s not the Christmas
Season, I won’t tell.
It will be our secret.
Take a shirt and, moving
The arm, pretend you are
Tom Brady throwing a
Touchdown with
A properly inflated ball
(If you can.)
And then, take a pair of
Pants and imagine that
You are a ballet dancer
And make your pants
Do plies and jetes and
Other French words
I do not know how to spell,
Even in English.
Take a sheet and pretend
You are sailing in the
America’s Cup and you
Are winning or
Take a towel and tie it
Around your neck
And pretend you are a
Flying hero. I don’t care
Which one, but I liked
Playing I was Superman
But don’t let me stop you.
And so, if you do all this
You will have had fun
Washing and drying
Your clothes and
Using your imagination
With them.
And you can tell everyone
About all of this.
I just know you will.
Dan Verner
April 25, 2017
Biscuit City 